Chapter 39
0039
(Margie POV)
After Jane agreed to back off, I stomped out of the hospital and headed straight back to the packhouse. A few pack members tried to greet me as I walked by, but I ignored them. I was so angry at Jane that I would have enjoyed spitting fire at her if I was a dragon. Heck, I was so angry at Jane that I was half- tempted to hire a dragon,
I have tried very hard to forgive her for what she did. Not today, but before. It has been 27 years, but sometimes the pain feels just as fresh as it did the day that it all happened.
I know Jane still feels a lot of guilt, but after she tried to scale back Stephanie’s memorial, I have to wonder if she feels guilty enough. After what she did -and after what she took from me- she should know that I am the LAST person that she should be messing with.
Jane knows how important Stephanie was to me. How important Stephanie still is to me. Don’t get me wrong; I love my other pups too. Well… mostly. I definitely love Nick. Lily is a bit of a complicated
situation for me, as you might imagine:
Regardless of how I feel about my other two pups, I will admit that I have always favored Stephanie. But, you have to understand: Stephanie was my rainbow; my present under the sun for all the pain that I had
suffered. I often do not understand some of the choices that the Moon Goddess makes, but Stephanie
was an answer to my prayers. Before I found out that I was pregnant with Stephanie, I had concluded
that the Moon Goddess hated me. I was sure that I had done something wrong, either in this life or a
prior one, to earn her ire.
When I found out that I was pregnant with Stephanie-and so quickly at that- it felt like a blessing. It was
like the Moon Goddess was telling me that she had not given up on me, that she was not angry with me,
and that things were going to be okay.
I vowed, from the moment that I found out tha
would give my pup the best life, and I would make sure that he or she wanted for nothing.
I was pregnant, that I was going to honor her blessing. I
When I found out that my pup would be a girl, that is when everything in my mind really clicked into place.
My prior suffering now made sense: it had to happen, to allow me to conceive a mate for the future alpha
of our pack. Jane’s pup and my pup would be mated. It would be perfect.
I knew my theory was a little bit premature, but I told Jane about it anyway. Seeing the joy and hope in my
face, Jane agreed with me that our pups would most likely be mates. Jane’s reaction confirmed for me
that I was on the right track. I felt honored and blessed to be carrying the pack’s next Luna.
Robert wanted to have a big family, so we tried to have more pups after Stephanie was born.
reason to pour everything that I had into Stephanie.
Then, when Stephanie was around five years old, Robert’s brother and sister-in-law died. They left behind
a young son, Nick, who was about six months older than Stephanie. We immediately adopted Nick and
began raising him as our own.
Our family was small, but in my mind it was perfect. Our daughter would be the future Luna and our
adopted son, Nick -who had beta blood thanks to Robert’s brother- would be the future Beta.
And then… somehow. I found myself pregnant for the third time. I had mixed feelings this time. In a
way, I knew that the pup was a blessing. On the other hand, I felt like I had moved beyond the baby stage
and I was not excited to go back to diapers and late-night feedings. Nevertheless, Lily was born, and
Robert and I both loved and cared for her.
However, I just could not connect with Lily the same way that I had connected with Stephanie, and Lily
had no grand destiny that I had to prepare her for like the one that her siblings had laid out for them. So, I
sort of just went through the motions with her. 2
Maybe that is why Lily acted out. If I had spent more time with her… if I had tried to love her like I loved
Stephanie… would she have been whoring herself out in the woods looking for love in all the wrong
places? Would she have put herself in a situation in which Stephanie had to go and rescue her in the
middle of the night?
Is it, ultimately, my fault that Stephanie -my greatest blessing- died?
I admit that I have physically abused Lily on more than one occasion since Stephanie died. I also admit
that I probably should not have. But… Lily looks so much like me when I was her age. She even has my bright green eyes and my reddish-brown hair. Sometimes, when I am lashing out at her, I am not sure
who I am really lashing out at: Lily, Stephanie’s murderer, or myself.
After the beatings, I strangely do feel better… but I have mixed feelings about whether Lily deserves the
abuse.
I think that is why I reached out to Dr. Hyder a couple of years ago, when I found out that Lily had applied
to his medical program. It is against pack protocol to make that kind of call without first going through
our alpha, but I consider Dr. Hyder somewhat of a friend. After all, he was there on the worst night of my
life 27 years ago.
I begged Dr. Hyder to accept Lily into his program as a personal favor to me. I had to ask, because I did.
not know if I could continue to look at Lily’s face every day, and I knew if I did, the beatings would only
get worse as my rage increased. Lily having an excuse to leave my home and this pack was a good thing,
I thought.
I was so glad that Dr. Hyder listened to me.
But now… having watched what happened during Stephanie’s last memorial event… I wonder if I should
have gone further. Perhaps I should have begged both Dr. Hyder and Alpha Randall to prohibit Lily from ever coming back to the West Mountain Pack. I think things would have been much better if I had.
Post Views: 25