Chapter 359
359
+25 BONUS
Irvin stared at me, feeling lost. He didn’t know how to answer my question–and I wasn’t alone in my feelings.
Sometimes, his memories and emotions would resurface in the middle of the night, and he would jolt awake. And when this happened, he also couldn’t help but ask himself the same thing. How could he have done all those things to me?
Irvin wanted to understand it himself too. Were his actions born out of habit?
Because of all the misunderstandings and hatred between us, he wanted me to suffer as much as he did. So, Irvin had gotten used to abusing me emotionally and hurting me. He had also gotten used to treating me as unimportant.
And then, it had eventually become a habit for him.
“I always felt Julianne was the one you truly loved,” I said, “You always had an excuse for her actions, regardless of what she did.
I continued, “Plus, you always pampered her, always softened toward her, and always wanted to help her. You never once doubted her, and you still accepted her, even after knowing she was rotten to the core.”
Looking back, even when I had amnesia, I still felt Irvin truly loved Julianne instead of me.
Irvin couldn’t answer my previous question, but knew what to say to my latest statement.
So, with absolute clarity and confidence, he answered, “No! I don’t have any romantic feelings for Lianne! We merely grew up together, that’s all. I always saw her as a younger sister. And because I saw her as family, I trusted her implicitly.”
Irvin was certain he had no romantic feelings for Julianne at all and merely saw her as family.
“But, Irvin, that’s not the impression you gave me,” I countered. “You made me feel like you loved and trusted her more than me. You also made me believe what you had for me wasn’t real love.
“People who really loved each other wouldn’t hurt each other, no matter what. Yet, for two years, you did so viciously.”
Irvin somehow paled even more at this.
“Seeing you now really hurts, Irvin. It really hurts so much. So, I’m begging you–please. Please, just let me go. Alright?”
I couldn’t let go of my feelings for Irvin. So, every time I saw him, my heart couldn’t help but soften, nor keep itself from hurting. This kind of pain was unbearable–it was agonizing.
So, I wanted him to let me go instead. Because if he could, he would also stop appearing before me. Then, I could throw myself fully into my research and stop thinking about him ever again.
Seeing me beg like this and in so much pain, Irvin became tearful.
What he had always wanted most was to make me the happiest person on earth. Yet now, he had made me so miserable. He genuinely didn’t want me to suffer, but he also didn’t know how to let go of his feelings for me.
Irvin wanted me to be happy. Yet, he couldn’t let me go. So, he was in pain too, and he really didn’t know what to do.
The silence between us weighed heavily on my chest.
Just then, a rubber ball rolled between the two of us. Right after, a little boy–around three years old and dressed in a fluffy bear onesie–came toddling after it.
The little boy was incredibly adorable with his fair skin and large, blinking eyes–so much so that I couldn’t help smiling dotingly.
n’t have
I had always loved children, especially after losing one myself. Hence, when Grandma told me I could skip dating but urged me to have a child, I had agreed. And when the right time came, I would simply undergo artificial insemination, even a partner.
Something suddenly clicked in Irvin’s mind when he saw the way I was smiling. It made his hopeless and helpless heart come
1/2
He had thoughtolaway to bre
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