Chapter 10
Now that I don’t have to worry about sleeping through my alarm every morning, you’d think that I would sleep like a baby in a milk coma.
But no. Not me. Not this girl.
I’ve always slept well in this room, and I know my boy is safe out at the bunkhouse. In the three days we’ve been living here, I’ve managed to get so much work done in my new studio, I’m giddy about it. I feel at home here, and I’m not uncomfortable at all.
But can I sleep?
No.
And why, you ask?
Because of the hot hockey player two doors down.
Make that former hockey player. I’m so damn proud of Ryker for standing up to Andy and telling him off. I wanted to reach through that phone and punch that guy’s nose. I’ve met him a couple of times through the years, and I never liked him. I never believed that he had Ryker’s best interests at heart. Andy has always been all about the money, and sometimes that meant too much work for Ry.
I hate that guy.
But even that isn’t why I can’t sleep. I don’t know what to do about all this lust I’m feeling. I think he feels it too. He hasn’t said so, but we’ve had moments when he touches me, when I think he wants to kiss me, and I know he’s not oblivious to the chemistry.
But if he admits to himself that he feels it, he’s holding back.
And that makes me want to hold back, too, because I’d be absolutely fucking mortified if I made a move and he rejected me.
I don’t think I could come back from that. I don’t know if our friendship would survive, because… how do you get over that?
So, instead, I ogle the sexy man and have these stupid daydreams about what it would be like if he railed me all night long, and I get myself so worked up, I can’t sleep.
I’ve never been good at getting myself off, so I’m simply perpetually keyed up.
“There’s some ice cream downstairs,” I mumble to myself and push the covers off my body. I’m in a thin tank top, because my usual pajama top is in the wash, and a pair of sleep shorts that have seen better days.
Not that sneaking downstairs to eat Cherry Garcia out of the carton is worthy of a fashion show.
Besides, Ryker’s asleep.
Soundlessly, I open my door and pad down the hallway and descend the stairs. Ryker had little night-lights installed throughout the house, so it’s not pitch black, and they help me find my way to the kitchen, where I turn on the light over the stovetop, retrieve a spoon from the drawer, and then open the freezer and pull out the pint of ice cream.
I pop off the top and take a spoonful, moaning as it melts in my mouth.
That’s good.
Ice cream always satisfies.
I hop up on the island, facing the window that looks out to the property, and let my feet dangle as I take another spoonful. I like it when the house is quiet and dark. Even through the window, I can see that it’s a cloudless night, and there are a billion stars shining tonight. There’s no light noise out here in the middle of nowhere.
Suddenly, the air shifts, and I feel Ryker walk into the room behind me.
“You okay?” he asks from the doorway. His voice is low and a little rumbly, and just as sexy as the rest of him.
“Sure.” I don’t look back at him, just hold the pint out. “Want some p>
He takes it out of my hand and lifts my spoon to his mouth, taking a bite, and then boosts up onto the countertop next to me, almost touching me, and I can feel the heat coming off him.
I almost choke when I glance his way.
He’s shirtless.
Because of course he is.
And he’s in gray sweatpants.
Because of course he fucking is.
He passes the carton back to me, and I lift the spoon to my mouth and hope that it’s dark enough in here that he can’t see the way my body is betraying me, or how my breathing has picked up.
“Couldn’t sleep?” he asks.
I shake my head and scoop up more ice cream. “You p>
“No. Must be a full moon or something p>
I glance at the window. “I don’t see any moonlight out there p>
“Hmm p>
He takes the carton from me, scoops up a bite, and then passes it back.
“What’s on your mind, Trouble p>
You. Me. Naked.
I can’t say that.
“All kinds of things, I guess. You p>
“Nothing and everything,” he replies.
“Yeah, that’s a good way to put it.” I lean against him, wanting just a little physical contact, and let out a small sigh.
To my surprise, he jumps off the counter and starts to pace.
Ryker’s always been a pacer. Whenever he’s deep in thought, his feet are moving.
“Thank you again for my booth,” I say, needing to fill the quiet with something other than my desire to reach out and touch his smooth skin. “It’s seriously amazing, Ry p>
He nods and pulls his hand down his face, as if he’s agitated. “You’re welcome. I feel better having you here p>
“I know. I hate the drive too p>
“No.” He props his hands on his hips and shakes his head. “It has nothing to do with your drive. I just feel better with you here p>
I bite my lip, watching him.
“Why does that make you mad p>
With a humorless laugh, he faces me and steps forward, nudging his way between my knees, and tingles spread all over my body. His hands drift up my bare, goose-bump-covered thighs to my hips and stop there, just holding me in place, and that’s our only point of physical contact.
But his dark eyes are on fire.
“Are you okay?” My voice is a whisper.
“Yeah. I’m okay, Wills p>
I swallow hard and offer him the carton of ice cream. “Do you want another taste p>
His eyes fall to my lips.
“Yeah, I fucking do p>
I offer him the spoon, but he takes the melting ice cream out of my hands and sets it on the counter.
“That’s not what I want p>
His hands lift to my face, and his lips cover mine in the gentlest of kisses. I plant my hands on his bare sides, making little circles with my thumbs and reveling in how smooth and warm his skin is as he deepens our kiss with a moan in the back of his throat. “You taste so damn good p>
He changes the angle and covers my mouth once more, licks the seam of my lips, and I open for him. His tongue tangles with mine as my hands skim up his back and down his shoulders.
I want to touch him everywhere.
I want him to touch me everywhere.
His magical hands drift down to my breasts. His thumbs brush over my nipples, through my thin shirt, and I arch into his touch as electricity zings down my spine, making me gasp. I can feel his hardness pressing against my center through his sweatpants, and holy shit. There’s a reason why this man gives off big-dick energy. He grinds into me, rubbing against that sweet bundle of nerves that want nothing more than for him to make me come.
God, I need him to make me come.
“Ry.” Is that my voice? So raspy and full of need.
But suddenly, he pulls his lips away and rests his forehead against mine as his body stills, breathing hard, his eyes closed.
“Ry p>
Finally, he licks his lips and pulls away, leaving me feeling cold without his touch.
“Go to bed, Wills p>
I frown as I cross my arms over my chest, feeling rejected and ridiculous. I want to question him, ask him what in the hell is going on in his head, but before I can, he opens his eyes and pins me in his tortured gaze.
“I need you to go to bed, Willow.” He licks his lips slowly, as if he can still taste me there. “Please p>
It’s the please that does it. I hop down and walk away from him. When I get to the doorway, I look back and find him with his head hanging down, his hands on his hips.
He looks… forlorn.
And I want to comfort him.
But he rejected me.
Now I know where I stand with him. He doesn’t want me, or won’t let himself want me, and I need to get over this stupid lust-crazed crush I have on him because he’s too important to me for me to screw it all up.
I’m an adult. I’ll be okay.
But there are tears in my eyes as I march up the stairs, and when I walk into my bedroom, they fall. What is it about me, and this ranch, that makes people I care about want to… leave? Mom dumped me here at every opportunity and left without a backward glance, even in the early days, when I’d beg her to stay.
And now, it’s Ryker turning his back on me.
I would have let him fuck me down there.
And how pathetic is that?
But now, here I am, back in the same old bedroom that was always my safe haven, and I crawl under the covers, keeping my tears silent so I can listen for Ryker’s footsteps outside my door. If he goes back to bed, I don’t hear him.
And I don’t fall asleep for the rest of the night.