Chapter 146
Chapter 146
Ellie POV
I stared down at Nolan’s hands, each of his index fingers enclosed in one of the twins tiny fists. My heart raced. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. It wasn’t supposed to happen at all.
Of course, I knew that was ridiculous there was no way I could have hidden the children from him forever, but the timing couldn’t have been worse.
And the guilt that flooded through me as I saw the watery look in his eyes- it was almost unbearable. He stared down at their little hands then looked back at me, and for a moment I thought he’d actually cry.
His voice came out low, low enough that I’m pretty sure Cassian and Kieran couldn’t hear him.
“They’re alive p>
“This isn’t what it looks like,” I said automatically.
It was a ridiculous thing to say. It was a lie and everyone could tell, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“Don’t do that,” Nolan said, his voice dropping to a warning tone. “Don’t you look me in my eyes and tell me these aren’t my children. They’ve got my hair, Ellie. My nose. Look at them p>
“Nolan I p>
“I can smell it, Ellie. They’re mine p>
Nolan’s eyes were blazing as he looked at me. I couldn’t quite tell whether it was anger or something else.
“What are their names?” he asked, his gaze dropping back to the boys.
“This is August,” I said, nodding to the right. “And lan,” I nodded left.
“August and lan,” he repeated.
I looked up as Cassian moved closer. Our eyes met and I caught a flash of something that looked a lot like guilt in his gaze. I could feel it too.
The way that Nolan was looking at the boys was impossible to miss. He ran his thumbs carefully over their little hands as the gripped his fingers. His eyes were moving over their features what awe, as if they were the most precious things he’d
ever seen.
As if he couldn’t force himself to look away.
“Why?” he asked softly. “Why did you hide them from me, Ellie p>
The question made something twist in my chest. Guilt, but also anger. How dare he ask me something like that?
“Why did I hide them?” I repeated, my voice filled with disbelief. “What a stupid question p>
His eyes lifted to meet mine, and all of the tenderness vanished in an instant.
“Excuse me p>
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“You know exactly why,” I snapped. “After everything you’ve done to me over the years, how could I possibly trust someone like you to care for children p>
Nolan carefully pulled his hands away from the boys and sat back, holding my gaze steadily. “I know that I was a bastard to you,” he said, keeping his tone even and controlled, “but I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that you honestly think I would hurt our children p>
I kept my gaze locked with his, but I couldn’t make those words come. Nolan hurting the boys wasn’t ever what I was afraid of.
I knew that he’d never physically harm them. He’d never been physically abusive with me, so the thought of him lashing out to a child was ridiculous.
“That’s not what I was talking about,” I replied. “You know that you can cause plenty of pain without physically doing anything, and I didn’t know how you would react after everything p>
“I would have been happy! I would have been thrilled!” An almost disbelieving laugh interrupted his words. “Do you have any idea the hell I’ve put myself through over the past year, thinking that I caused their deaths? Thinking that they were gone because I failed to protect you- to protect them p>
He turned his head to look at Cassian, who was standing nearby, ready to intervene if I needed him to.
“You knew.” It wasn’t a question; it was a statement, and I caught the betrayal in his voice as he said it.
“I did,” Cassian confirmed. “The boys have been staying in Moonstone. I’ve been taking care of them since Ellie returned to Silver Fang p>
“Well, at least they were with family,” Nolan said bitterly.
The thought of Lance came to me and I pushed it away. If Nolan felt betrayed by me and Cassian, I could only imagine what his response would be when he eventually learned that Lance knew about the boys, too.
Now wasn’t the time for that. I didn’t need to pile on when he already looked like he was struggling to process
the situation.
“Let’s talk about this at home,” he said, turning back to me again.
“What are you talking about p>
“The boys, it’s time to take them home,” he said matter of factly. “I think it’s well past time p>
“The pack house isn’t their home,” I replied sharply, getting to my feet and lifting the boys into my arms. Their home is Moonstone p>
“What are you talking about?” Nolan said, his gaze shifting between me and Cassan, as if looking for some sign that he had been missing that would explain all of this away. “Their home is with us p>
“Their home is with me,” I replied. “They’re my children, Nolan. My babies p>
“And mine,” he said angrily.
“We’re getting divorced. Do I need to remind you of that? When that happens the boys are coming with me p>
The look that crossed his face was one of pure panic and a sound halfway between
a growl and a gasp escaped
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his throat.
“You aren’t taking them away from me again,” he snapped.
The anger on his face was obvious as he stood in front of me, but so was the panic
in his eyes. Guilt twisted in me, but I couldn’t let that control me. I had already made
my choice about this, and I couldn’t afford to back down now.
“This isn’t up for debate. They’re my children. I’m the one who’s been there for them p>
“Because you wouldn’t let me!” he growled. “You hid their existence from me! You don’t get to hold that against me now and act like I chose not to be there p>
“You don’t get to tell me what to do!” I shouted back defensively.
He was right, and I knew it. But I couldn’t let myself admit it. Not like this.
“Cassian, let’s take the boys home,” I said, walking past Nolan.
Nolan whipped around to look at me, the panic that flashed across his face unmistakable. Seeing him so emotionally raw was too much for me. I had to get away from him and clear my head so I could figure out the right way to handle this situation.
“Where are you going?” Nolan demanded. He took a step toward us, his hand moving toward August.
“Home. To Moonstone,” I replied tensely.
“You’re taking them back to Moonstone?” he touched August’s hair lightly. His other hand came up to brush against lan’s hand.
“That’s what I said p>
I saw the conflict in his expression. I knew that he wanted to argue with me, but to
my surprise, he pulled back, putting more distance between us.
“This isn’t over, Ellie. We have to talk about this. They’re my children p>
I couldn’t respond. I hugged the boys a little tighter, and Cassian put his arm around
my shoulders. A look passed between him and Nolan before Cassian steered me
away.
I knew that Nolan was right; this was far from over. But for the time being, all that mattered was getting the boys home safely.
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