Chapter 187
(WESLEY)
Maybe I should try and date. Should I flirt with Justin when I see him again? Just the thought alone feels wrong. I feel like I belong to Jericho and dating other alphas will be cheating. How is that? It makes no sense. We only slept together one time and he didn’t claim me. Why is he this burned in my soul?
I force myself to clean with the tissues from the bed stand. I pull the cover over my head and my eyes drift shut. My chest aches so painfully that it feels hard to breathe. I have to do something to get myself out of this misery. I can’t keep living like this. If I go on like this, I will waste away on my watch.
I’m so emotionally and physically drained by the time I fall asleep. My dreams are chaotic, filled with Papa, Danny and Jericho. When I wake up, it is daylight. I sit up and a wave of nausea rolls through me. I get up with a panicked grunt and sprint to the bathroom. I fall to the tiled floor on my knees and puke into the toilet. My stomach feels empty. So, after the initial release of bile, all I can do is hold onto the toilet bowl and heave like a horse for what feels like an hour.
By the time my stomach settles, my whole face is covered with sweat. I slide down onto the cold tile floor, feeling dizzy. I think I have a bug. Maybe that’s the reason that I feel tired all the time. I lie on the floor for a stretch of minutes then finally get up to brush my teeth. I stare at the gaunt reflection of me in the mirror. I have circles under my eyes and eyebags. I look thinner. I’ve visibly lost weight. So then, why do my pants feel tighter around my waist?
I head into the bedroom. For a moment, I consider calling in sick, but I sit there with the phone in my hand. I begin to feel better after a few minutes. It is preferable that I don’t call in sick. I need all the money I can get, and I won’t get paid for the days I don’t show up. I don’t make as much money waiting tables as I did when I was a manny. Now, I have even rent to worry about, things that I didn’t have to worry about before. I exhale shakily and decide to go to work after all.
Once I get to Magenta, I feel a little better. I’m actually glad that I came in. My shift isn’t as tiring and for once, I have more nice customers than the rude ones. When I still have one hour to the end of my shift, Justin walks in. He gives me a wry smile when he notices me and I head up to him.
“Hi,” I greet cheerfully. “Aren’t you earlier than usual p>
His cheeks flush. “Yeah. I…I got off work early today. So, I thought maybe I’d come inside and eat dinner here tonight p>
“That sounds great.” I say and grab a menu from the register area. “Follow me.” I lead him to one of the smaller booths in a quieter area of the café.
He slides into the seal, looking awkward. “Am I making you uncomfortable p>
“No.” I frown. “Why would you p>
“Because,” he sighs. “I guess it’s pretty obvious that I came in early hoping to see you again.
I let out a surprised laugh. “No, is that why you came in early today p>
“Uhm, yeah.” His cheeks turn even pinker. “I…I’m hungry for real, and I really want to eat dinner, but I was hoping that maybe I’d get to see you p>
“I’m flattered.” I smile, hoping that it makes him easy.
But really, I am flattered. He is a really attractive alpha. He has a great job. But then again, I’m conflicted. After how pathetic and lonely I felt last night, the last thing that I should be feeling is conflicted. I should be thrilled that he is showing some interest in me. But the fact that he is ii trusted in me makes me nervous. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I worry that if I come off too friendly, he might interpret it wrongly and think that he stands a chance with me. I’m not sure that I have it in me to date anyone just yet.
Justin seems to not be aware of my turmoil as he keeps talking. “Okay, I was worried that I’d spook you if I came inside to have dinner. But really, I wanted us to talk some more p>
“Relax. I’m not creeped out in the least bit p>
“Okay.” He says, nervously fiddling with the silverware on the table.
I notice how uneasy he is and try to put him at ease. So, I start a conversation. “So, how many babies did you deliver today p>
He laughs. “Four and a half p>
I narrow my gaze. “How do you deliver half a baby p>
“That sounds bad, yeah?” he grimaces. “What that means is that one omega went into labor, but turns out it was a false alarm. I did a lot of the prep work, but the baby didn’t arrive. I call that half p>
“What do you think if you called it a near miss?” I laugh. “The other gives terrible images p>
“Sure.” He winces.
I hand him the menu. “Just let me know when you are ready to order p>
“Uh, wait. Just a minute before you leave.” He places the menu on the table then glances up at me. “Can I ask you something personal if you don’t mind p>
Tension courses through me. “That depends p>
“Fair enough.” He laughs nervously. “I’m just trying to figure out if you have a boyfriend. You are quite hard to read. So, I can’t place it between shyness, disinterest, or if you are already taken p>
“Oh, wow…I―” I’m thrown by how straight up he is.
“Do you… have a boyfriend?” he asks when I don’t give him an actual response.
“I…uuuh..” I let out an awkward laugh. “No p>
“Okay.” He says, looking happy with my response. “That’s one obstacle down p>
Once again, the fact that Justin is interested in me unsettles me. It doesn’t matter that I know that I should move on from Jericho, but moving on is easier said than done. I don’t want to encourage Justin yet I know that I’m not ready to start seeing anyone p>
I clear my throat. “I don’t have a boyfriend p>
“I felt there’s a but coming though.” He winces.
I tense, but I know that I have to tell him the truth. He deserves to know the truth about what’s going on. “I don’t have a boyfriend… but I’m trying to get over someone p>
His face falls ever so lightly. “But you broke up with this someone p>
Were we even together?
“It’s complicated.” I sigh.
His face twitches visibly. “Okay, is he still in the picture p>
“No, not technically.” I wince and hesitate for a bit. “But he’s still…uhm, very much on my mind p>
His face paints with obvious disappointment. “I see p>
“Sorry.” He looks so deflated and now I feel guilty. But I know that I did the right thing by being honest with him.
His face brightens suddenly. “But you said that he is not around p>
“No.” I respond warily.
“Do you think you will get back to being together?” he asks, appearing thoughtful.
“No.” my heart aches as I admit. “I don’t think that I will ever see him again. But I still have feelings for him. And I feel that I should be honest about that p>
“Okay.” He meets my gaze. He has a determined look on his face. “You want to go for a drink with me sometime p>
“A drink?” I frown
“Yes, but I won’t pressure you for anything more. I’d just want to spend some one-on-one time with you, I promise.” He shrugs. “I just don’t want to give up on you that easily p>
His persistence leaves me confused and I blink. “Even though you know that I’m still hung up on another alpha p>
“Maybe I’ll charm you into letting him go.” He nods.
I smile. I know that it’s not entirely impossible for him to charm his way into me. He is effortlessly appealing. He has positive energy and I instinctively think that maybe he would be good for me. I need something or someone to pull me out of my grumpy mood. And Justin’s optimistic personality and energy might just be the thing that I need. He might cheer me up.
I don’t want to lead him on, but I’m also tired of living a dreary depressing life. I want to get back to the old me. The more positive version of Wesley. Maybe Justin could help me find myself again.
“And you really won’t push for more?” I ask skeptically. Alphas tend to be really pushy and aggressive. He might just say that now and ultimately go for what he wants later. Even though Justin strikes me like a gentle soul, he is still an alpha.
“Nope.” He looks hopeful. “So, what do you say p>