Chapter 72
I wake up before my alarm, not because I feel good. Because my body won’t let me sleep through the night anymore.
I peel my eyes open and for a second I don’t move, I stay still and wait, the way I’ve learned to do. I wait to see if the room spins. It doesn’t, but there’s a pressure behind my eyes that makes me wince.
I sit up slowly. My stomach feeling empty and tight at the same time. I press my palm to it and breathe until the nausea eases enough that I can stand upright.
I don’t want to stay in my room. If I stay in my room, I’ll start thinking too muc about the appointment waiting for me today.
So I shower, get dressed, pull my hair back, and head downstairs.
Margaret is already in the kitchen as always.
She glances up when she hears me and pauses like she’s unsure whether to tell me to go sit down or pretend she didn’t see me at all.
“Morning,” I say.
“Morning, dear.” Her voice is as cheerful as always.
I stand there for a second,m my hands at my sides. “Can I help p>
She opens her mouth to say no…I can tell by the way her shoulders lift.
“I’d really like to,” I add before she can finish.
She studies me for a moment, then sighs. “Alright. You can help with the vegetables, Just the vegetables sweetie p>
“Yes just the vegetables p>
She slides a bowl toward me and I start washing the vegetables before proceeding to cut them. The water is cold and It helps clear my head a little. We don’t talk much while we work, It’s comfortable in a quiet way.
I don’t bring up the other day and She doesn’t either. I’m grateful for that.
When everything’s ready, I feel that familiar hollow twist in my stomach again. I carry the bowl to the table anyway.
Zane and Thomas come in a few minutes later.
“Morning,” Thomas says easily.
“Morning,” I reply.
Zane just gives a nod and sits.
I take my seat and force myself to eat. Not because I want to, but because I know Margaret is watching. I can feel her eyes on me every time I push food around instead of actually taking a bite.
Halfway through, I glance toward the doorway where Aaron stands.
“We’ll need to head out after breakfast,” I say
Aaron straightens immediately. “Okay. Where to p>
“The hospital p>
Zane’s fork stops mid way to his lips. “Why p>
I don’t look at him, I just keep eating. “Just Girlie stuff p>
Thomas lets out a small laugh before he can stop himself. Zane shoots him a look.
Zane turns back to me. “You’re fine p>
I finally meet his eyes. “Yes I am p>
It’s a lie. He probably senses it. But he doesn’t push, and I thank him for that.
Breakfast ends quietly. I kiss Margaret’s cheek before I leave the kitchen.
“I’ll see you later,” I tell her.
She squeezes my hand. “Okay sweetie be safe p>
Outside, the drive feels longer than it is. I give Aaron the hospital address and lean my head against the window because it feels like Its swimming.
When we get there i tell Aaron to wait outside and that I’ll call him when I’m done. He hesitates like he wants to argue, then nods.
Inside, the receptionist looks up and smiles when she sees me. “He’s waiting for you ma’am p>
I don’t knock when I get there, I know he’s waiting for me.
He looks up from his desk and smiles, the same tired, kind smile I’ve known for years. “Hey Elaine p>
I walk straight to him and hug him and he hugs me back without saying a word.
“You’ve seemed to lost some weight, El” he says quietly once I sit.
“I’ve been stressed p>
He hums. “That’ll do it. How are you really p>
I open my mouth to say fine but I stop myself.
“Not great,” I admit.
He nods like that’s what he expected. “Tell me p>
So I do. I tell him about the dizzy spells, the nausea, me throwing up blood the last time. The way my body feels wrong lately, like it’s not keeping up with itself. He listens without interrupting, asking questions only when he needs to.
He decides we should run some tests so the tests come next, they drew my blood then did some scanning. Then we sit waiting.
We both know what we’re waiting for, we’ve seen this before, we’ve done this before too.
When he comes back, he closes the door behind him before he speaks.
“There’s been some change,” he says carefully.
My chest tightens. “Better or worse p>
“Technically better.” He holds up a hand. “But only slightly not enough to fully call it making progress p>
I stare at the floor. “Don’t give me hope if it’s fake p>
He sighs. “I wouldn’t do that to you El p>
He offers me some medications but I shake my head immediately.
“There’s no point,” I say. “It’s not necessary p>
He watches me for a long moment. “Have you told your brothers p>
I reach across the desk and grab his hand before I can think better of it. “Please don’t. please I beg of you, I… I can’t do that to them now, so please let me hold on to this little secret for a little while longer p>
His jaw tightens then he nods once. “Alright El. It’s your secret to spill anyways for whatever reason you’re holding on to it p>
When I stand to leave, he pulls me into a hug that lasts longer than usual.
“Take care of yourself El.” he murmurs.
“I’m trying p>
Outside, the sun feels too bright. I wipe my eyes before I realize they’re wet but I don’t let myself cry though, not now and not here.
I pull out my phone and call Aaron, tell him I’m ready to go and to pick me up at the doctors.