Chapter 98
98
Besides avoiding getting murdered, the hardest thing about prison was how much I missed Rachel. At night I would lie awake for hours, my heart aching as I thought about her.
I was worried that she might think I was dead – or worse, that I’d ghosted her after our fight. The thought made me sick to my stomach.
I called Gunnar every week, desperate for an update on his search. But no matter how hard he looked, he never found a trace of her.
I considered asking him to go to London and visit MI6 headquarters, but I was worried he would raise too many alarms by poking around. If Alistair made the connection between me and Gunnar, then Rachel’s professional life would be ruined… Gunnar might get ‘disappeared’… and Alistair might send someone to San Vittore to make sure my mouth stayed shut permanently.
So I kept quiet and prayed Gunnar would find something eventually.
I waited a long, long time.
As the months wore on, what began as an alliance of convenience with Dario became a real friendship.
Partly it was because we spent nearly every waking hour together. He somehow got me released from my job in the laundry, and we spent the time training instead: him in combat, me in Italian.
Dario never told me exactly what his connection was to the Cosa Nostra – only that he was in prison for financial crimes. And I kept quiet about my deal with Alistair and MI6.
But the more we got to know each other, the more we talked about everything else.
He told me all sorts of stories about his brothers. The older ones came to visit him occasionally in San Vittore. I never met them, but I came to feel as though I knew them.
Adriano was the hothead: quick-tempered but fearless.
Massimo had the kindest heart – until someone crossed the people he loved. Then he could become a raging bull.
Valentino was the baby of the family. According to Dario, Valentino was the best-looking of the brothers and a real Casanova.
Dario looked like a movie star, so if he had a brother who was more attractive than him, the kid must have been a real heartbreaker.
Niccolo was the plotter and schemer, a trickster, and possibly the most charismatic of them all. He was also the funniest of the brothers.
Niccolo’s twin Roberto, though, was an enigma. Quiet and studious, he was a financial genius – but he was the most secretive of Dario’s brothers. Like he was hiding something.
“Do you think he might be gay?” I asked.
“No, but it wouldn’t matter to me if he was. Old-school Italians look down on homosexuality as a weakness – a lack of manliness – but not me and my brothers. None of us would give a shit as long as he’s happy. I think it’s something else… something he’s afraid to tell us for whatever reason. Maybe someday he’ll reveal what it is, but for now, he keeps his cards close to his vest.” Dario smiled. “That’s fine by me. Being good at keeping secrets is a huge asset in our line of work p>
Dario was vague about what that ‘line of work’ was. He would only say that his family was involved in ‘importing and exporting p>
From the deference everyone in San Vittore paid him, though, it was easy to read between the lines: he was involved in organized crime.
I didn’t really care. I was a government assassin who’d gotten caught on my second outing, so it wasn’t like I could cast stones.
And in San Vittore, having a friend who was connected to the mafia had real benefits.
But family wasn’t all we talked about.
Women were a frequent topic – but always in Italian, which forced me to practice.
I knew from gossip in the prison yard that prostitutes visited the richest gangsters, posing as girlfriends or wives for conjugal visits. The warden and prison guards knew it was all bullshit, but they were willing to look the other way… for a price.
I asked Dario once if he had ever considered hiring an escort to come to the prison.
“No,” he said decisively, then gave me an amused look. “Why? You want me to arrange something for you p>
All I could think about was Rachel. The thought of sex with another woman – especially a stranger who was only fucking me for money – turned my stomach.
“No, I’m good,” I said.
Dario went back to punching the mattress on the wall. “I’m done with all that – I’ve had my fun. Once I get out of here, it’s time to get serious and settle down p>
“Why p>
“Because a man’s got to think about the long-term, that’s why. I’ve waited long enough as it is. I don’t want to have my first child when I’m too old to pick him up p>
I laughed.
He frowned at me. “What’s so funny p>
“You’re 26 years old. It’s a little early to talk about being too old to pick up your kids p>
“I’ll be 30 when I get out of here p>
“Yeah, but – ”
“My father didn’t marry until he was almost 30, and he always says it was the biggest regret of his life. If he’d married earlier, he would have had more time to raise a family – and maybe have a daughter. He always wanted a little girl but never got the chance p>
“Why not p>
“My mother got cancer when I was 12,” Dario said solemnly. “She underwent chemotherapy, and the cancer went into remission for years… but she couldn’t have any more children. Then it came back, more aggressive than before. She died a few years ago p>
“I’m sorry. I know how that feels p>
“Do you,” Dario said darkly, like I had no fucking clue.
“My mother was diagnosed with cancer when I was in the military, right when I deployed overseas,” I said quietly. “A couple months later, my Aunt Ingrid was driving her back home from chemotherapy when they got into a car accident. They both died… and I didn’t even get to go to their funerals p>
Dario stared at me in horror. “I’m truly sorry to hear that p>
“Thank you.” I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so I said, “If your father had married your mother earlier, he might not have had you and your brothers. Or at least, you wouldn’t have turned out the same p>
Dario knew I was trying to lighten the mood, and he obliged.
“Sperma diverso,” he said drily.
Different sperm.
“Exactly p>
Dario laughed. “What Papa doesn’t say is that no matter what age he would have liked to have gotten married, he didn’t meet my mother until he was in his late 20s – and he wouldn’t have changed a single thing. My mother was his life – his entire world. He never so much as looked at another woman after she passed. I think what he really means when he tells us to get married early is that he wishes he could have had more time with her. He’d have given anything for that.” Dario chuckled. “Plus, he wants grandchildren as soon as possible p>
“Would you marry any of the women you dated?” I asked.
“Fuck no. They were fine for having fun, but they would have made terrible wives – and even worse mothers p>
I raised an eyebrow.
“And that’s on me,” he conceded. “I’m the one responsible for wasting my time with them. The folly of a misspent youth p>
“So what kind of a woman do you want p>
“That’s the problem. I come from a… certain amount of money p>
“I gathered as much,” I said in a deadpan voice.
Dario laughed, then shook his head. “It’s not just money, but power. The problem with the women I chased was they all wanted the money and the power. They didn’t really want me p>
“That seems a little…” I said, then paused because I didn’t know the Italian word I was searching for.
“What?” he asked. He sounded offended.
“You’re a very good-looking guy. I can’t imagine a woman not wanting you p>
“Okay, yes, it’s true, they wanted to fuck me… but what they really wanted was what they could get from me p>
“Didn’t you want them because of what you could get from them, too p>
“Calling me out on all my shit, aren’t you?” he said good-naturedly. “Yes, I did. I went after models with big tits and great asses. When I should have been looking for a woman I could build a life with p>
“So what does that kind of woman look like p>
Dario peered at the wall like he had slipped into a daydream. “Someone innocent… kind… loyal. A girl who loves her family and would do anything for them… because in the end, it’s all about family p>
“But one who’s still beautiful,” I said sardonically.
Dario laughed. “True. I do still want a pretty wife… someone who makes my blood run hot.” He shook his head ruefully. “But I’ve probably ruined myself with all the women I chased after in the past p>
“Sounds like you have a Madonna/whore complex p>
Dario looked at me with a flash of irritation.
I wondered if I’d overstepped – but I figured our friendship wasn’t worth much if I couldn’t speak my mind.
“Innocent, but makes your blood ‘run hot,’” I continued. “Tits and ass and a lovely face, but loyal and kind – and loves her family above everything else. A good girl and a bad girl. A virgin and a whore p>
He glared at me… then broke into a rueful smile and shook his finger at me jokingly. “You need to stop calling me out on my shit. I don’t like it p>
I pointed at the wall: Get back to your training.
He sighed and started punching the wall again. “And I should have never agreed to teach you Italian. It makes it that much worse to hear all my faults in my native tongue p>
“Well, there’s a simple solution p>
“What’s that,” he said drily.
“Avoid the type of woman you dated in the past, and start looking for the ones you say you want p>
“That’s the problem: I don’t run into many good women in the circles I travel in p>
“Maybe you’ve just been looking in the wrong places p>
“I know I’ve been looking in the wrong places. Nightclubs… strip clubs… Ibiza p>
“Sounds like you need to go to church more often p>
He burst out laughing. “We’re in Italy, my friend. Even the women I’ve been dating go to church. I don’t, so I think that’s the wrong place to look. And even if it was the right place to look, there’s still one problem p>
“What’s that p>
“There was an old American actor named Groucho Marx. Ever heard of him p>
“Sure – the Marx brothers. Guy with the glasses and cigar p>
“That’s the one. He had a saying: ‘I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.’ That more or less sums up my situation p>
“These women you say you want – why wouldn’t they want you p>
Dario gave me a sad smile, one that implied there was something he couldn’t tell me. “Let’s just say I have a past that any good woman would want no part of p>
I was about to ask him more when he turned the interrogation back on me.
“What about you? Is there a good woman on the outside waiting for you p>
I immediately felt depressed as I thought about Rachel. “She’s a good woman, yes… but I don’t know if she’ll wait p>
“Does she love you p>
“Yes p>
“And do you love her p>
“Absolutely p>
Dario stopped punching the wall and looked at me searchingly. “Is she – ”
And he used a phrase I didn’t understand.
“Say that again p>
“Il solo e unico,” he said in Italian, then switched to English. “The one and only. I believe in English they simply say, ‘the One p>
“…yes. She is p>
Dario grinned and waggled his finger at me. “I can tell – I can see it in your eyes.” He shook his head like he envied me. “I would give my right arm to feel for a woman how you feel about her p>
“I was going to propose to her before all this happened,” I said, gesturing around us.
“Why didn’t you p>
“I bought a ring, but we had a fight, so I waited… and then I left town and wound up here p>
Dario winced. “Ah. You still have the ring p>
“I had it on me when I got arrested,” I said bitterly. “Now it’s sitting in prison storage… if somebody didn’t steal it yet p>
“They put it with the rest of your belongings when you came to San Vittore p>
“Yeah p>
“I’ll have a word with the prison staff. No one will take it – and if they have, they’ll put it back p>
I frowned. “Why would they listen to you p>
“Don’t worry. Just know that once you leave, it will still be there.” Dario chuckled. “We have to make sure you can propose to her as soon as you get out p>
“I doubt she’ll wait for me p>
“If she’s the One, she’ll wait p>
“I’m not so sure about that p>
“Why not?” he asked. He almost sounded incensed that I was doubting Rachel.
“Because she doesn’t know I’m in here p>
Dario stared at me in shock. “What?! How is that even possible p>
“There are some things I can’t go into, but… she had to change her phone number, and I didn’t have it when I got arrested. So I wasn’t able to call her to tell her p>
He looked at me like I was absolutely insane. “What about her email p>
“That got changed, too p>
“Didn’t you write her, then p>
“I don’t know where she lives p>
The look of utter disbelief he gave me was almost comical. “What the fuck, man?! This girl is the One, and you don’t know her phone number, email, or where she lives p>
“I know, I know,” I said gruffly.
He heard the implicit warning in my voice not to go any further, so he backed off – but he still shook his head. “You’re a very complicated man, Lars. And I say that coming from a long line of complicated men myself p>
He didn’t know the half of it.
“What’s her name?” he asked.
“Rachel Bauer. Although that’s not her real last name p>
Dario cocked an eyebrow. “You don’t even know her name p>
“I didn’t get to choose who I fell in love with,” I said in irritation.
“True.” He stroked his beard for a few seconds, then said, “Maybe I can help you find this girl. I have… certain resources on the outside p>
I suppressed a smile. If Gunnar couldn’t find her with all his hacking skills and ‘homies’ in MI6, I doubted some small-time gangster in an Italian prison would have much luck.
Not to mention, I didn’t want a bunch of shady mafia types poking around and asking questions. If they did get lucky and somehow find her, they would probably blow her cover – and there was no way she could continue in MI6 if a bunch of gangsters knew all her secrets. Secrets she’d taken such care to hide from me.
Plus, Dario’s ‘resources’ might tip off my old boss. And I didn’t like to think about what Alistair might do if he thought I was talking about him to Italian gangsters.
“Thank you,” I said, “but I have a friend looking into it p>
“But he hasn’t found her yet p>
“Not yet. But he’s very well-connected – and he’s still looking p>
“Trust me, whoever this friend is, he might not have all the resources I can tap into p>
“Thank you, but I’m good,” I said firmly.
Dario looked at me for a long moment, then nodded once. “As you wish. Just know that the offer stands if you change your mind p>
“Thanks… I appreciate that p>
“A word of advice p>
“What,” I said impatiently. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
“If this girl is the One… once you get out of here, go after her. Find her. Let nothing stand in your way. You go to her and lay your heart on the line, and you do everything in your power to get her back… and if she is the One, she’ll say yes. If she is the One, she won’t have been able to move on without you. The day you come back to her is the day she can finally breathe again. You two will start your life over together, and it will be like nothing ever changed p>
The passion and conviction in Dario’s voice were so real, so raw, that I couldn’t make a joke or say what I really thought, which was: It’s a lot more complicated than that.
He spoke with the fervor of a true believer – a man totally convinced of True Love. He wouldn’t be swayed by logic or common sense… so I just nodded.
Dario shook his head. “What I wouldn’t give to have a woman I love like you love her. If you change your mind, just tell me – and I’ll do everything I can to help you find her p>
“Thank you,” I murmured, touched by the real concern in his voice.
“What’s her name again p>
“Rachel p>
“Rachel,” Dario repeated, then smiled. “A good name for a good woman p>
Then he turned and started punching the wall again.
What I didn’t know at the time was that one day, I would take Dario up on his offer…
And he would deliver where Gunnar had failed.
But by then, it would be too late.