Chapter 51
“No,” Elaine cuts in. Her voice is steady, but there’s heat under it. “You don’t get to ’dear’ me five minutes after discussing my uterus like it’s a business asset p>
A few heads turn nearby. I feel her pulse hammering where my hand rests on her waist.
Interesting.
My mother blinks once, then smiles thinly. “You’ll learn p>
Elaine looks at me then. Searching my face for something. Support? Objection?. Anything.
I give her nothing.
The disappointment flashes across her expression before she masks it, quickly.
“We’re not discussing this further,” I say, disengaging my arm from her waist. The absence of her warmth is immediate. And I fin it Annoying. “We’ll be leaving soon p>
My mother studies me for a moment. “No honeymoon, then p>
“No,” I confirm. “We will return to the house p>
Elaine’s head snaps toward me again. “The house p>
“Yes p>
She exhales slowly through her nose, clearly counting to keep from saying something regrettable.
“I hope,” she says tightly, “that you realize how unbearable you are p>
I meet her gaze. “I’m counting on it p>
That does it.
She turns away from me, shoulders squared, chin lifted, stalking toward the edge of the room like she needs distance before she does something unreasonable.
My mother watches her go. “She has spirit p>
“She has a temper,” I correct.
“Same thing,” she says, sipping her champagne. ” I know you will break her in p>
I don’t answer.
Because I’m not entirely sure that’s how this is going to go.
And the thought unwelcome and unsettling that she might fight harder than I expect lingers far longer than it should.
I few moments later, my best friend Donald walks up to me and leads me to the balcony outside, Donald is more of a brother to me than a friend, he was there through all of my worst moments, when I lost my siste, my fallout with Lucas, when the brotherhood turned on me, he was there through it all. So yeah we brothers more than friends.
The noise from inside barely reaches the balcony, muted music. People talking, Glasses clinking. A wedding continuing without me for a few minutes, and no one daring to question it.
Donald leans against the stone railing, jacket unbuttoned, his is tie loosened. He’s known me long enough to know when to shut up, and when not to.
The city stretches below us, shatp lights against the evening sky. I grip the cold stone with both hands and breathe. Once. Twice.
“So he says finally. “When are you planning to activate the last clause p>
I don’t look at him. “I’m not I don’t know yet p>
A pause.
Donald hums quietly. “That’s not what your morher thinks p>
“I don’t care what my mother thinks p>
“You usually do p>
I turn then, fixing him with a look. “I don’t intend to fuck her yet p>
Donald straightens slightly. He steeples his hands, tapping his fingertips together the way he does when he’s thinking three steps ahead. “And how exactly are you going to manage that p>
“By not fucking her.” I shove my hands into my trouser pockets and start pacing. The balcony isn’t large, but I make it work. “It isn’t a challenge not to stick my dick in someone p>
He snorts. “You’re pretending this is about discipline. It isn’t p>
I stop pacing. “Don’t start Donald p>
“You married a woman you’re clearly affected by,” he continues calmly. “You kissed her like you forgot where you were. And you expect me to believe abstinence is the plan p>
“I said I don’t intend to yet,” I snap.
Donald tilts his head. “You don’t intend to, or you want to but don’t know how to p>
I glare at him.
He gestures dismissively. “Whatever p>
“No,” I say sharply. “Don’t play dumb. You know why I don’t want kids yet “
His expression shifts. Not amused now and not teasing.
“The idea of them being killed,” I continue, voice lower, tighter, “like how like how my sister was p>
The words hit harder than I expect. My chest tightens. I look away, jaw locking.
My sister’s face flashes in my mind the way it always does when I least want it to. Younger and Terrified. Trying to be brave for me… my brave little girl
My sisters scream.
I flinch, just slightly but still enough that Donald notices.
“I can’t risk it,yet ” I say. “Not with her. Not with anyone. I haven’t decided if that’s a choice I’ll make but I know I will have to sooner rather than later p>
Donald exhales slowly. “You’re happy to bring kids into the world…our world…and risk what happened to your sister happening to one of your own children p>
Silence stretches between us. The music inside swells, then fades again. Somewhere in that room, Elaine is probably being congratulated. Smiled at and judged by some p>
“I deserve nothing good,” I mutter.
Donald sighs, clearly exasperated with me now. He rubs a hand over his face, then shakes his head. “You’re punishing yourself. And her p>
“I didn’t ask for your diagnosis p>
“You married her anyway p>
“I married a contract p>
“That’s a woman,” he counters. “Whether you like it or not p>
He motions toward the door. “We’d better get back. You have a wife to ’not fuck’.” He makes air quotes. “And a honeymoon you apparently don’t want to go, which by the way you know our society will judge you for not taking your wife on a honeymoon right? p>
I don’t answer him because I know he is just rage baiting me and if I give him that sense of satisfaction we will be throwing blows right now.
But as I follow him back inside, one thought refuses to let go.
Elaine doesn’t know any of this
She doesn’t know about my sister abut the connection it has with her family and why I accepted her. About the nights I wake up convinced I’ve failed someone again. About the reason I keep control so tight it cuts.
And the worst part is this
Even with every reason not to
I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to keep my hands off her.