Chapter 70
Chapter 70
“Right. But I was miserable covering the smaller stuff and it made me realize I hadn’t gone into journalism for the right reasons. Those little stories still matter, and the work involved is still the same as the big stories–investigate, interview, gather information, then compile it into clear and compelling copy. I realized what I wanted was the intrigue, the adventure, the glory. I wasn’t pas freedom of the press or the importance of the Fourth
liked stories. Big stories p>
about
st
“Like in books p>
That he’d picked up on something so fundamental to her filled Tessa
with an unnameable brightness. It took her a second to respond.
“Yes, exactly like books.” Swallowing, she tried to gather her wits.
“Shortly after that epiphany, a friend called up and told me the
school where she was teaching was desperate for English teachers. I
hadn’t enjoyed student teaching, but I knew journalism wasn’t the
right fit, and Milwaukee had never really felt like home. So I
interviewed, got the job, moved to Chicago, and started teaching. I
was only a few weeks in when I realized that this was what I was
supposed to be doing. Student teaching had confined me to someone else’s plans and curriculum. Once I was free to make my own lessons, choose my own reading lists, develop my own system, everything clicked p>
Declan took that in, and a comfortable silence lapsed between them.
After a moment, Tessa asked, “What about you? Why did you want to be a pilot p>
He ran a hand over his jaw, beard rasping against his fingers. “My dad was a pilot p>
A weighted silence followed, and she watched him without saying
Chapter 70
anything.
Declan sighed. “He took me up with him all the time. He started teaching me how to fly as soon as I was tall enough to reach the rudder pedals. As far back as I can remember, that’s what I wanted to do. It was so amazing–flying.” He turned to look at her, his expression intent. “We’re just humans, and we can fly, Tessa. That’s… that’s still amazing to me p>
She smiled at the open wonder in his deep voice.
I
“When I started flying professionally, I was at an a
wanted to get away from the Valley, without actually leaving. Flying
let me do that p>
“You never wanted to live somewhere else? Even for a little while p>
He shrugged. “The Valley is my home. There’s something about this place. Most of us have a hard time leaving. Flying lets me escape, explore. But then I can come back. Back home p>
Home. The way he said the word with such natural possessiveness made it sound like another world to Tessa–like Narnia or Middle Earth. For her, “home” just meant whatever house or apartment she was living in at the time. It had never borne the emotional resonance she heard in Declan’s voice when he talked about the
Valley.
Strangely, she could sort of feel it. There was something about the landscape, the lifestyle, the people, that filled her with the same bittersweet yearning she felt when she saw the way Arthur and Natasha looked at each other. Or the way Linnea looked dancing with Roland. Or the way Declan…
Nothing.
She couldn’t stop the wistful sigh that escaped her.
“What?” Declan asked.
THA NA Freauth
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She hesitated for a second, then decided, what the hell. “I wish I had that,” she admitted. “I want to have that here. I really do p>
Declan’s gaze sharpened, his posture tense. “Then choose it, Tessa. If you love it here, then choose to be part of it p>
Is that was this feeling was? Love? Why did it feel so much like envy and wistfulness? “I’m afraid I want to belong somewhere so badly, I’ll shoehorn myself in where I don’t belong. And the whole time I’m trying to convince myself that I’ve done right, I still won’t have that home feeling p>
“So you’re planning to leave p>
“I really don’t have any plans p>
“Which means you aren’t planning to stay p>
She was really just taking it one day at a time. But a lifetime is made of individual days. If she didn’t figure something out, she was going to reach her deathbed and still be wondering where she belonged.
Declan was still tense, waiting for Tessa’s answer. He shoved away from the table, pacing away from her. He ran his hands through his
hair. He paced back, stopping just in front of her. “Make a decision,” he snarled. “Either stay here, or don’t, but quit jerking the rest of us
around p>
Tessa scowled at him as the last couple hours of camaraderie went
up in smoke. “Don’t give me orders,” she snapped. “I haven’t made
any promises. I’m not jerking anybody around p>
Declan’s expression shifted to frustrated incredulity. “How can you
be so oblivious p>
He may as well have called her stupid. She launched out of her chair, closing the distance between them. “Just because I’m not
Chapter 70
doing what you want-” She jabbed a finger into his chest “-doesn’t
mean I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not obligated p>
“Aren’t you?” Declan demanded, grabbing her shoulders and looking
hard into her eyes.
She could tell by his grip that he wanted to shake her. She slapped
his hands away. “Is that what you think?” she demanded. “I owe you
something p>
“Yes!” he bellowed, moving as if to grab her again, th
g
better of it and running his fingers through his hair. “Thats what relationships are! Jesus, Tessa. Do you care about anyone? Do you
even know how to p>
That one hit right on the mark. Instead of filling her with brittle coldness, she felt a hot wave of self–righteous anger. “Just because I fucked you, you think you own me now p>
“Is that all that was? A fuck?” he demanded.
Tessa hesitated. It had felt like more–so much more. But the more was terrifying. The last time she gave someone more, he ended up being an undead murderer who’d tracked her down even after she fled across a continent to escape him. And now she was staring into the golden, gleaming eyes of another enraged, supernatural predator. But she wasn’t scared of Declan. She was scared of what she felt for him.
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