Chapter 174
(WESLEY)
“Why?” he narrows his eyes. “You didn’t have a word to say to me earlier, so what is it that you want to talk about now? Because you feel sorry for me p>
“No p>
“Sure.” He shakes his head.
I glance around and sigh. “Can I come inside? I don’t feel comfortable talking out here in the hallway p>
“What is there to talk about, Wesley? You made it pretty clear earlier today that you didn’t want anything to do with me. The message got home loud and clear p>
“Look, it wasn’t my idea, okay?” I wince and glance around uneasily. The last thing that I want is for Miles to walk in and hear me throwing him under the bus.
“What do you mean by that?” he frowns.
“Please,” I say under my breath. “Just let me come in so we can talk in private. I won’t stay long, I promise p>
He hesitates first but after a few seconds, he relents. “Fine, but just for a few minutes. I have to get back to that shitload of boring books or Miles will report to Sasha that I’m a failure on all fronts p>
“God, Jericho go easy on yourself p>
Silently, he motions me to enter his room.
I brush past him as I go inside. The clean scent of his aftershave makes me shiver. It dawns on me that maybe it would have been smarter to just let him be angry at me instead of coming to his room. It would have probably been safer considering how I am attracted to him. I’m not settled with the fact that he is so upset with me. His displeasure is eating at me.
He closes the door behind him then turns to face me, arms crossed to his chest. “What do you mean being standoffish with me wasn’t your idea p>
Being honest about the real reason for being standoffish with him earlier today unsettles me. I shiver my hands deep into the pockets of my jeans. But really, it wasn’t fair of Miles to ask me to shut Jericho out. I wonder what his concern is if Jericho and I become friends. I didn’t plan on making it anything more than that. “It is hard being honest about this, because I don’t want to cause any more problems between you and anyone p>
“Miles?” he huffs. “You mean Miles, are you afraid of him p>
“No, it’s not like that.” I frown. “I’m not afraid of him. I just don’t want to get fired p>
“Why would you get fired for simply talking to me?” he asks, moving closer to me.
“Uhm,” I grimace. “Miles doesn’t want us to get close.” I admit.
“What? Why does he care… how… how close we are p>
I shrug. “He is probably looking out for you. He doesn’t want you to be distracted from what brought you here in the first place. You have a lot to learn p>
“What? Did he threaten you or something?” he gazes at me assessingly. “You were warm and friendly at first, then you went from that to an iceberg. You just froze out suddenly and you are telling me that Miles was the reason you reacted like that p>
He sounds almost hopeful, and I don’t know how to respond to him. I hesitate. “I will tell you the truth if you answer something truthfully for me too p>
“Okay.” His cheek twitches. “What is it you want to know p>
“I want to know why you were so upset with me earlier. I don’t understand why you’d get mad at me for protecting you, Jericho. My voice wobbles a little as I speak. “I…I didn’t want you to die. What was so wrong with that p>
I notice how his face tenses and a flush creep up his cheeks. “You know the exact reason why I was mad, Wesley. I froze. I froze like a fucking coward back at the park p>
I sigh frustratedly. “You’re being silly, Jericho. That guy attacked you out of nowhere. He simply just took you by surprise p>
“So were you, but you didn’t freeze into a fucking statue like I did. You were so swift to act. You were… heroic. I’m an embarrassment to all alphas p>
“No, that’s not it.” I shake my head. “You’re so wrong. Have you ever been caught up in such a situation before? Because I have been, and that was the only reason I was quicker to react.” I wince when I notice that I have given away more information than I was supposed to. I won’t be surprised if he fixates on that information.
“So, you’ve been in a gunfight before? When? And why would a Manny ever be involved in a gunfight?” he narrows his gaze.
I try to evade the question. “What is so wrong with looking out for you? I mean, you’ve watched out for me several times while I was here. Even with Reid, remember. So, what is wrong if I return the favor p>
“Wesley,” he calls quietly. “When and why would you have been involved in a gunfight in the past p>
“It’s not important.” Heat rushes to my face.
“It is to me.” He says, gazing at me sharply. “You want to be my friend? Friends share. You said you’ve been a Manny for six years. Could you have been something else before that? Something that required guns p>
There is no way I’m going to come clean and tell Jericho the truth about my past. I’d lose the friendship and my job all in one blow. He’d be repulsed if he learnt that im of the Sawyer family. And that’s just him. If Miles learns of who I am, I’m likely to wind up dead. But I have to tell Jericho something. A lie. He needs some sort of an answer.
My mind goes back to the story I told Miles about my sister dying in the hands of violent mobsters. I hope that I can get his sympathy so that he stops asking me so many questions. “I lost my sister to mob violence. That is what forced me to wake up. I had to realize that violence is a part of life whether we like it or not p>
“You lost a sister to mob violence? How did that happen?” he frowns.
“That was a long time ago.” I lie confidently. “That was when the Terranova mafia went to war with another syndicate. My sister just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I always regret not being able to protect her at that moment. It took losing her and since then, I vowed to protect those that I care about p>
“Those that you care about?” he narrows his eyes. “Are you seriously going to pretend that you care about me? Yet you wouldn’t even talk to me earlier today p>
“I told you why I acted like that. I didn’t mean to be like that to you, Jericho. I swear p>
“So, what you are actually saying is that Miles warned you to not get close to me p>
“Yes.” I sigh.
“Miles should learn to mind his business.” He says harshly. “Sometimes he can be such a control freak p>
“Much as that could be true, he is also my boss. I just did what he instructed me to do. But I swear I hated every moment of it. I hated being rude to you, Jericho. I really like you p>
“God,” his eyes flicker. “You must feel really sorry for me or something. You are suddenly being nice, why?” he scowls as he takes a step away from me. “You know that I’m perfectly capable of shooting a gun. I just fucked up today. That… that isn’t who I am p>
“I know that p>
“Do you though?” he asks frustratedly as he rakes a hand through his hair. “How do you know that? My pathetic performance today sure wouldn’t give you that impression p>
“Jericho, “I sigh exasperatedly. “Please stop fixating on that one moment. You were just caught off guard. That doesn’t mean that you should now constantly beat yourself up p>
“But you weren’t, Luca wasn’t p>
I move closer to him. “Please stop.” I hiss. “I’m just relieved that you are safe. That’s all that matters p>
He holds my gaze. His mouth presses into a grim line. I notice that pain and embarrassment linger through his beautiful blue eyes.
“Give yourself some grace, Jericho p>
“That’s easier said than done.” He hangs his head.
“I know.” I really wish that he would look up at me again. I need to know that he is okay. I need him to stop beating himself up. I need him to stop feeling dejected. I’m partly responsible for him feeling so, but still, I don’t regret saving him.
He sighs and looks up at me under his brow. “I’m glad that you are talking to me again p>
“Me too p>
He grimaces. “I don’t think I really thanked you for saving my life p>
“It’s alright. I know you were upset p>
He nods and inches closer to me. He stops in front of me and his eyes glimmer. He runs his hands down my arm. Gooseflesh grows on my skin. “You actually care about me? You mean it, you weren’t just saying that p>
“I do care.” I swallow thickly, fighting the way his touch makes me feel. I know better than to give in to my desire. I can’t. It’s just too dangerous. I can’t risk letting my emotions get the best of me. “I care about you probably more than I should. I care about you certainly more than Miles wants me to p>