Chapter 184
Chapter 184
Ellie POV
The next morning came gray and cold.
The air carried the chill of autumn and left me feeling bleak. The boys were still asleep, bundled in their cribs, and the quiet felt heavier than usual.
I stood by the window with a mug of tea cooling in my hands, replaying the night before over and over in my head.
Kieran’s kiss had been gentle. Thoughtful. The kind of kiss that should have made my heart flutter. But it hadn’t. It had felt… hollow.
Like it was a performance that I couldn’t bring myself to fully participate in.
I’d lain awake afterward, staring at the ceiling, trying to convince myself it meant nothing, that the lack of spark didn’t matter. But the truth wouldn’t be buried. It pressed against my ribs with every inhale.
When I thought of Nolan, my pulse still jumped. Even now. Even after everything.
I hated that.
I hated that part of me still ached for him when I knew I shouldn’t.
By the time afternoon came, the walls of the apartment felt too close, too small for the weight of my thoughts. I packed the boys’ diaper bag and made my way to the packhouse, hoping that seeing Cassian might help ground
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The ground was still damp from the last few days of rain, the air cool and damp. Cassian’s office door was ajar, his voice low as he wrapped up a phone call. He looked up when I entered, his expression softening immediately.
“Ellie,” he said, rising from behind the desk. “You’re a sight for sore eyes p>
I smiled faintly. “You say that like it’s been years p>
“Feels like it,” he said, rounding the desk to pull me into a one-armed hug, careful not to jostle the twins. “You okay p>
“Mostly p>
He gave me a look that said try again.
I sighed. “Can we sit p>
He nodded and gestured toward the couch near the window. I settled the boys in their carrier on the low table beside us. Cassian crouched to peek at them, his expression softening.
“They’re getting big,” he said. “Look at these cheeks. You’ll have your hands full once they start crawling p>
“Don’t remind me. It’ll be any day now. Ian is already close”
He smiled, but his eyes were searching. “Something’s on your mind p>
“Always,” I said lightly. But my voice cracked on the word.
He didn’t push, just waited. That was the thing about Cassian – he’d learned that silence often drew the truth out faster than questions.
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Chapter 184
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After a long pause, I said softly, “Kieran came by yesterday p>
Cassian’s brows lifted. “Yeah p>
“He’s been visiting a lot lately,” I went on. “Helping with the boys, keeping me company. It’s been… nice p>
“But?” Cassian asked gently.
I hesitated. “He kissed me p>
Cassian blinked, then leaned back. “Ah p>
“Yeah,” I said weakly.
He didn’t say anything right away. Just studied my face, as if trying to read what I wasn’t saying. Cassian had warned me about Kieran, too. I found myself worrying that he would be disappointed in me.
Finally, he asked, “Do you want to talk about it p>
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I thought I did. I thought maybe… if I tried to move on, everything would hurt less. But it didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like anything p>
Cassian leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Because you’re still in love with him p>
The words hit like a pulse, simple and undeniable.
I stared at him, my throat tight. It was the same conclusion I had reached already,
but not the one I wanted to hear from him. “That’s not p>
“Ellie,” he said softly. “You don’t have to lie to me p>
I looked away, blinking hard. “It’s not that simple p>
“Sure it is,” Cassian said. “You loved him. You probably still do. And now you’re
trying to convince yourself you shouldn’t p>
My fingers tightened around the edge of my sweater. “He hasn’t even tried to see
me. Or the boys. It’s like he doesn’t care p>
Cassian hesitated, then sighed. “That’s not true p>
My head snapped up. “What do you mean p>
“He’s been in contact with me,” Cassian said quietly. “Every day p>
I froze. “What p>
“Calls, messages — checking in about you and the twins. Making sure you have what you need, that you’re safe, that no one’s giving you trouble. He asks for updates but never pushes for details. He just wants to know you’re okay p>
I stared at him, heart pounding. “Why didn’t he say something to me p>
Cassian’s expression softened. “Because he doesn’t want to scare you off again. He
thinks giving you space is the only way to show you he’s changed p>
The words hit hard, not painful, but deep.
“He’s been doing this since the day you left,” Cassian added. “Even when he
doesn’t say it outright, I can hear it
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in his voice. He’s trying to do the right thing, even if it kills him p>
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