Chapter 390
Could I really accept Gideon?
I started to panic a little at this thought. I was shaking so badly that I almost couldn’t hold onto my phone.
But the more anxious and afraid I felt, the more determined I was to go through with it. I didn’t want to keep living in this cycle of pain and indecision. I had to burn the bridge to Irvin.
So, even though my hands were trembling so much that I could barely hold my phone, I forced myself to calm down. Then, I started getting dressed and did my makeup.
I had just finished when Gideon arrived.
Even though the building I lived in had an elevator, he couldn’t wal and had run up the stairs. When he saw me, he was clearly out of breath. Yet, his eyes were shining so brightly. His whole face seemed to glow with excitement and joy.
He was so thrilled that even his hands were shaking- -so much so that he fumbled several times to get his ID out. When Gideon finally did, he cupped it reverently in his
Then, he looked at me and said, “Emi, I’ve brought my ID!”
I stared at the usually composed man. Seeing him like this, I couldn’t describe what I was feeling. But one thing was clear- Gideon must genuinely like me. And knowing this, I couldn’t help but feel even more guilty.
He genuinely wanted to marry me and have a life with me. Yet, I was only using him to put an end to my emotional turmoil. In fact, I might even drag him down with me.
At this thought, I suddenly felt I had been too simplistic and selfish in my approach. I had been so focused on escaping my inner conflict that I hadn’t thought about Gideon’s situation at all or how this might affect him.
Thus, I said, “Maybe I’ve been too selfish, Gideon. I was too eager to resolve my dilemma that I didn’t explain the situation clearly to you. So, let me lay out what marrying me really entails. Then, you can think it over carefully again and decide if you still want to go through with this.”
Before Gideon could speak, I quickly continued, “As you already know, be it now or in the future, I may never be invested in another relationship again. I may also never love another man again. The only reason I want to get married and have a child is to sever my lingering indecisions.
“A person like me may never be able to return your feelings. So, if you marry me, your love will forever remain unrequited. You may even become a target for retaliation. And it may negatively impact your company to the point of bankruptcy.“/
If I were to marry Gideon and eventually go head–to–head with the Hardwells in a mutually destructive battle, it would certainly affect his family’s pharmaceutical business.
I already felt guilty enough solely because I could never reciprocate his love. But if his company were to go bankrupt because of me, it would make me truly unforgivable.
Gideon was a businessman. Plus, he used to be good friends with Irvin. So, even though I never said it outright, he knew the current Timothy Hardwell was actually Irvin, which meant he also knew Irvin wasn’t dead.
Hence , he understood what I was really saying. He knew the risks he would be taking by marrying me. That being said, he wasn’t afraid.
Smiling at me, Gideon said, “My company currently works closely with a few government agencies. No one can touch us when it comes to pharmaceuticals and the public’s health. So, you don’t need to worry that you’ll be bringing trouble to my doorstep.
“Besides, my feelings for you are mine alone. I’ve never expected anything from you in return. I really have thought this through, and I seriously want to marry you! There’s nothing else for me to consider!”
Gideon knew what he wanted , and he was serious about it. Also, he wasn’t afraid of what he desired. This made me forget all my nervousness, unease, and fear. I forgot everything I had been feeling worried about.
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Picking up my bag , I walked toward Gideon. “Well then , let’s get married!”