Chapter 11
11
The tragedy occurred two months into my deployment, although it happened in Sweden.
A week before I got shipped out to Afghanistan, my mother was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma, a type of cancer.
As soon as I heard, I took a short leave to go back to Gothenburg to be with her before leaving the country.
The moment I saw her, I was struck by how tired she looked. How pale her face was, and the dark circles under her eyes.
“How bad is it?” I asked, dreading the answer.
She smiled. “It’s not that bad. Hodgkin’s lymphoma usually responds well to chemotherapy. I start treatment on Monday p>
Sweden’s healthcare system was socialized, so I knew she would be alright as far as money went –
But the physical toll…
“How will you get back and forth between the appointments?” I asked. “What about eating? What about – ”
“Shh.” She took my hands in hers. “I’m going to move in with Ingrid and Leif for a few months. She’s going to take care of me and drive me wherever I need to go p>
“What about your job p>
“They’ve given me medical leave p>
“What about Aunt Ingrid’s job p>
“They’re going to let her arrange her schedule around my chemotherapy. It’s alright, Lars… plenty of people have to deal with this. I’ll be fine p>
“But I’m going to be halfway across the world – ”
“Afghanistan is only a few thousand miles away from Sweden,” she said with a slight smile. “That’s not halfway across the world p>
“It might as well be! If something happens, I can’t just leave and come back – ”
“Nothing’s going to happen, darling,” she said comfortingly. “Nothing’s going to happen except I’m going to get well, and you’ll come back from deployment, and life will go on exactly as it always has p>
Later, I felt bad that my mother was the one dealing with cancer – and yet she was the one who comforted me. But that was my mother for you.
We spent two days together, going out to eat and reminiscing about the old times. She laughed a lot and was in good spirits, which relieved me.
As I said goodbye to her, I hugged her close and prayed that everything would be alright and that the cancer wouldn’t take her.
Half of my prayer was answered.
It wasn’t the cancer that took her.
I’d been out of the brig for a month and was back to the daily grind at Bagram when I got the call from Leif.
I was sitting on my cot in the bunk room when I saw his number appear on my cell. My stomach immediately twisted with fear. Leif never called me.
My fear grew ten times worse when I answered and heard him crying.
“Leif? What happened p>
“Lars…” he choked out. “Your mother p>
I felt like I might vomit.
“Was it the cancer?” I asked frantically.
“No… no, the treatment was going fine… but on the way back from the doctor’s, they got into a car crash. Ingrid was driving, and a man ran a red light… I’m so sorry, Lars, but your mother and Ingrid… they’re dead p>
I wasn’t allowed to go back home for their funerals.
Even under the best conditions, leave might not have been granted – but I also had a black mark on my record for disobeying a direct order. That’s why my commanding officer refused my petition to fly back to bury my mother.
Leif sent me pictures of the funeral. They held it for both my mother and Aunt Ingrid at the same time. They even buried them side by side in the cemetery.
All I know is that a bleak depression swallowed me whole.
For months, I went through the motions like a robot:
Get up. Eat. Train. Go on patrol if that’s what I had to do that day. Do my job. Come back. Shower. Eat. Go to bed. Sleep. Get up and do it all over again.
Strangely enough, it wasn’t their deaths that haunted me. Not really.
The thing that hurt the most…
Was that I never got the chance to say goodbye.
It was only around my sixth month in Afghanistan that the depression lifted, and it felt like I was actually human again.
I still grieved for my mother and my aunt, but the pain wasn’t as sharp. It faded to a low-level hum in the background, enough that I could even forget about it for hours at a time.
In the ninth month, I was almost healed. Or as much as I could be.
That was when I met Rachel.
The United States was the main force at Bagram Air Base. Still, every member of NATO – and every non-NATO European ally – sent soldiers to fight alongside them.
Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Poland, Spain, Italy, France, Germany, Croatia, Romania…
And the UK, obviously.
England was one of the most powerful members of NATO. They gave us a lot of intel about international terrorists working with the Taliban.
That was how Rachel entered my life.
She was the best thing that ever happened to me.
And… eventually… the most heartbreaking.