Chapter 146
146
As I chased after Rachel, I half-expected to hear her open a door and run down a hallway –
But the hallways might have witnesses, and she couldn’t take the risk of anyone seeing her.
Instead, I heard a door open, followed by the distant sounds of traffic.
She was on the roof.
So THAT’S where we’re going to do this.
I opened the door slowly when I reached the top of the stairwell.
The roof was dark, but the night sky glowed with the city lights of London.
“Can we talk about this?” I called out.
“What’s there to talk about?” her voice floated up from somewhere nearby.
I shut the door behind me. “About how we don’t have to hurt each other p>
“Again p>
“What p>
“I think you mean, ‘How you don’t have to hurt me again p>
“You’re not talking about how you kneed me in the testicles, are you?” I joked.
She didn’t answer.
“I never meant to hurt you, Rachel,” I said softly. As I crept across the roof, I tried to pinpoint the source of her voice.
“Too bad,” she answered. “You did p>
My anger got the best of me. “And you think it didn’t hurt me when I showed up and you told me to get lost? That you’d moved on, so I should, too p>
She didn’t answer.
I regretted losing my temper and tried to reengage her. “Remember the rooftop in Afghanistan p>
There was a pause, but she answered this time. “That was a lifetime ago p>
“Just a little over five years p>
“Like I said – a lifetime ago p>
“I saved you back then. We could help save each other this time p>
“That’s the thing… this time, I don’t need saving p>
And she kicked at my head from out of the darkness.
I barely blocked it in time. I stumbled backwards, but it was like fighting two people at once – she was so fast that I could barely keep up with her flurry of punches and kicks.
She wasn’t holding back –
So neither did I.
I landed a punch to her ribs, and she grunted –
But then she elbowed me in the solar plexus.
I gritted my teeth and shoved her away –
Then aimed my gun at her.
Unfortunately, I also found myself staring down the barrel of hers.
“We don’t have to do this,” I said.
“It would seem we do p>
“I just wanted to talk – ”
“YOU LEFT ME!” she suddenly screamed, her face twisted with suffering.
“Rachel, I went to prison – ”
“YOU STILL DISAPPEARED!” she cried out, a howl of suffering from the depths of the abyss. “YOU ABANDONED ME p>
It finally hit me:
Her father had left her when she was seven.
She saw him two more times after that, then never again.
I had left her, too…
Just like her father.
I hadn’t meant to…
I hadn’t wanted to…
But I had.
I’d always known that my disappearance must have hurt her…
But I’d never considered how it might tear open a 20-year-old wound that had never healed.
Lars, you stupid fucking idiot…
I lowered my gun… and then I dropped it on the roof.
“What are you doing?!” she demanded, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“I need to show you something,” I said softly. “Just – don’t shoot me, okay p>
She watched distrustfully as I loosened my necktie, unbuttoned my collar –
And pulled out the necklace with the diamond ring.
She visibly flinched. “What’s that p>
“The only thing that got me through three and a half years in hell p>
Her eyes flicked from the ring to my face, not understanding.
“They took this from me when I went into prison. San Vittore in Milan. The worst fucking place I’ve ever been. Every day I fantasized about when I got out… how I was going to get the ring back, come track you down, and ask you to marry me. That’s the only way I made it through p>
“You… you had it before you went in?” she asked, suddenly realizing what that meant.
I nodded. “I bought it here in London. I was going to propose to you that day in St. James Park, right before I left… but we had a fight. Do you remember p>
Her face filled with horror as the memory came rushing back.
I was afraid she would think I was blaming her, so I immediately continued.
“It was my fault I didn’t propose. I should have asked you to marry me that day – and I shouldn’t have let anything stop me. If I had, then you would have known I would have never voluntarily walked away from you. Ever p>
She was sobbing now. The gun trembled in her hand.
“I love you, Rachel. I’ve always loved you.” I paused and gave her a lopsided smile. “Okay, maybe not always. You were a little bitchy to me after that first briefing in Afghanistan p>
She laughed and sobbed at the same time, the noises blending into each other.
“But ever since that first night we spent together… you’ve been the only woman I ever wanted. So… if you’re going to kill me… that means you don’t want me anymore. And if that’s the case, you might as well go ahead and pull the trigger. Put me out of my misery. But I’m still going to love you. I’ve always loved you… and I always will p>
She stood there, arms shaking, tears rolling down her face.
She whispered, “God damn you p>
And dropped her gun.
That was all the sign I needed.
I stepped forward to take her into my arms –
And she rushed to meet me halfway, her lips tasting of salt as her mouth met mine.