Chapter 156
156
Alistair came out of the kitchen 45 seconds later. By that point, I’d wiped away my tears and gotten control of myself – even if it felt like my insides had been ripped out.
“He’s gone,” Alistair said in relief, then added almost happily, “Well, that went better than expected p>
I glared up at him like he was the most contemptible cretin I’d ever met.
I’d just had my heart torn out, and he was being fucking chipper about it.
He quickly gathered from my expression that I wasn’t quite as pleased as he was.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
“Oh, I’m just wonderful p>
Now he seemed to understand.
But rather than comfort me, it felt like he started to attack me.
“Why are you wasting a second thought on him?!” Alistair demanded. “He left you – he abandoned you p>
“He was in prison,” I snapped. “In Milan, of all places p>
He’d been in fucking Italy.
Not halfway around the world in China, or South Africa, or Argentina –
But fucking Italy.
Just 600 miles away.
Alistair scoffed. “He’s probably lying p>
“It’s easy enough to check, isn’t it?” I asked angrily. “Why the fuck couldn’t you find him if he was in Italy p>
Alistair looked uneasy. “Like I said, he’s probably lying – ”
“But what if he’s not p>
“I’ll find out,” he said grumpily.
“And he said Gunnar was looking for me! If that was the case, why couldn’t you find him p>
“If a Chinese spy is looking for you, that doesn’t mean – ”
“STOP SAYING THAT!” I yelled. “You’ve been saying that forever, but there’s no proof p>
“Then why wouldn’t he tell you who he worked for?” Alistair shot back.
I didn’t have an answer for that.
I just turned and started up the stairs.
“Rachel,” he said angrily.
I ignored him.
“Rachel!” he yelled after me.
“I want to be alone,” I said dully, and shut the bedroom door behind me.
I didn’t go down for dinner. I’d completely lost my appetite.
I just lay there in bed and stared into space.
I thought a little about what Lars’s life must have been like over the last three years…
But mostly I was just numb. Like I was dead inside.
Alistair came up after 10 o’clock, undressed, and got into bed beside me.
He put his hand on my shoulder. “Rachel p>
My skin crawled at his touch.
“Don’t,” I said, shrugging him off.
He sighed, rolled over, and didn’t say anything else.
I heard him snoring softly a half-hour later.
I stayed awake well past three in the morning…
Unable to shake the feeling that the life I knew had crumbled beneath my feet.