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Chapter 81
81
Rachel
Iburst into tears as soon as I got behind the wheel of my car.
I hated the way I’d acted towards him.
I hated that I’d been such a bitch.
Basically, I hated that I’d acted like my mother.
I wanted desperately to go knock on his hotel room door, tell him I was sorry and that I was just scared, and make him fuck me into oblivion –
But I held back.
Maybe it was my pride.
Maybe it was because I wanted him so desperately to tell me the truth, and his refusal felt like a betrayal.
I knew it wasn’t. A betrayal, I mean. As he was so fond of reminding me, he’d had to deal with the secrecy around my own job ever since we met –
But it still felt like he was lying to me. And I absolutely hated it.
So instead, I went home, put on some music, opened a bottle of wine, and got drunk.
Then I opened another bottle… and another one… and got obliterated.
I passed out early. When I woke in the morning, I felt like I was about to die… and not just from the hangover.
I checked my phone.
6:45 AM.
I had no idea when he was flying out, but 6:45 would have been early enough to catch him before he left.
I could have called him.
I could have apologized.
I could have at least said goodbye…
But I didn’t.
Maybe it was my pride…
Maybe it was my resentment…
Maybe it was the hang-xiety from all the wine I’d drunk.
Whatever the reason, I didn’t call.
It turned out to be the worst mistake I’d ever made in my life.
Because when I finally did call him…
He was gone.
Forever.
