Chapter 121
0121 (Jessica POV) Completely off the record? I used to hate James. I did not like who he was when he was around Stephanie, and I absolutely could not stand who he became after she died. Years ago, Lily was one of my best friends. I would like to think that we would still be really good friends. today, had everything not happened. I never believed that Lily had anything to do with Stephanie’s death, and I knew Lily was not one to mess around with male wolves the way James suggested. Losing Lily as a friend had nothing to do with my desire to gain favor with James or the other ranked wolves; I could have cared less about any of that. My decision to limit contact with Lily was motivated by the same thing that motivated many other members of the pack: James, Margie, and others in pack leadership made their threats implicitly -and sometimes explicitly- clear. we either ostracized and bullied Lily, or we ourselves would be ostracized. Not that that was an excuse; it was not. I always felt really guilty for cutting Lily off. I did try to be friendly with her whenever I could and no one was looking, but I know she still suffered a lot. I used to pray for her all the time, and that was even before she did what she did for Joey.. and even before I found out what she had done for the others. My prayers for her only got louder after I found out all the other stuff. When I found out along with everyone else that James was Lily’s mate, I was shocked. Floored, really. I was so proud of her for rejecting him, and for having the courage to do so publicly and confidently. A huge part of me wanted to stand up and shout, “That bad a&& she-wolf is my friend.” Of course, I could not do that, but I could help her in other ways. When Lily stumbled out of the event hall, Joey and I followed her. Joey and I do not hold high ranks in the pack -he is a warrior/ guard and I am a regular wolf/ mailroom clerk- so we were already seated towards the back of the hall. It was pretty easy for us to reach her before anyone else did. We quickly got her back to our house and hid her. It was not until hours after we grabbed Lily and after I had time to really think through the significance of her being mated to James- that it occurred to me how much Lily could help our movement and our overall plans for the pack. Unfortunately, I knew my plan would only work if James saw the light, changed, and accepted Lily as his mate. From the beginning, I have had private doubts about whether James could do any of that. My doubts original plans. However, I learned a long time ago to always listen to my gut… well, my gut and my wolf. And for some bizarre reason, both my gut and my wolf had faith that James was redeemable. Sadly, without any objective evidence to back up my gut feelings, many of the more vocal members of our movement actively disagreed with me. In fact, when I first proposed my alternative plan, resistance to my idea lead to a few really heated meetings in which yelling and cursing took center stage. Nevertheless, after getting the anger out of their system, everyone in the movement unanimously agreed to give my plan a chance. Deep down, they all have the same goals, and no one wants war-whether it be internal or external. If giving James a little time offered us even a small hope of keeping our homes and avoiding war, even the most reluctant, pessimistic members were willing to give it a chance. I confess, however, that my own faith faltered as Sheila continued to circle around James and especially when she persuaded Margie and Luna Jane that she should marry him. I began to worry that, even if James himself changed, he would be too weak to stand up to his parents and Margie. I got a little more confident when James went to see Lily, even more so when he told Sheila to f&&k off, and even more confident than that when James ignored his father’s demand to immediately return home. Then, when James tossed Joey and I duffle bags and told us to start removing Stephanie’s pictures and mementos from the alpha suite, my original gut feelings finally felt completely validated.
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