Chapter 75
0075 (James POV) After the interaction with Lily at the luau, I could not sleep. Instead, I tossed and turned, repeatedly replaying Lily’s words and going through what had happened… not just last night, but for the past six years. I originally told myself that the only reason that I wanted to see Lily was so that I could get more answers. I even fought with Luke about the purpose of this trip, insisting that getting answers was all that this trip was for. But now? Now I am not so sure. My mind and my heart are filled with the chaos of four very strong and somewhat conflicting emotions, and I do not know what to do about any of them. The first emotion is, not surprisingly, confusion, Everything that I have known and believed for the past. 26 years of my life seems to have burst into smoke. Now, nothing that I have relied on seems stable or true. Heck, at this point, I half–wonder if “James” is even my real name. The second emotion is guilt. For six years, I punished Lily for something that she did not do. I actively took steps to ensure that she suffered, and I actively took steps to ensure that others in the pack tortured her as well. And, given what I saw in her medical file, Lily not only suffered… she suffered to the extreme. The third is regret. I made so many mistakes when it comes to Lily. When she told me last night that she had forgotten what my voice sounded like when it was not saying something angry, hateful, or vile, it broke my heart. My mate my Goddess–chosen mate- had forgotten what my normal voice sounds like. The fourth is the most surprising to me, and perhaps the most difficult to deal with: desire. I want Lily back. I have fought it and denied it and insisted it was not true… but one look at Lily last night and I realized that it was pointless to fight it anymore. Even though our mate bond was broken by the rejection, our bond was not shattered. It can be fixed. Proof of that is that I continue to feel a strong pull to Lily that runs through every part of my body and soul. I want her smile, her laugh, her heart, her body… I want all of those to be for me. But… Is it too late? What do I even have to offer to Lily at this point? Will she ever be able to forgive me? I am now sitting at the restaurant waiting for Lily to arrive. The plan I worked out with Dr. Hyder was that I 1/2 +15 BONUS overlooking the ocean. I arrived thirty minutes early, not wanting to miss a minute with her. I am not ashamed to admit that I am a nervous wreck. So much so that, as I wait, I cannot help but feel jealous of the people around me that seem to be relaxed, happy, and enjoying a leisurely meal with their loved ones. The ocean breeze that I feel against my skin should be helping me to relax, but instead it feels like a cruel reminder of everything that this meeting will not be. – At last, I catch a whiff of Lily’s faint scent with our bond broken, her scent is weak, but I can still smell very much last night, but she still looks absolutely gorgeous. She is wearing a pink floral sundress that reveals ample cleavage and that immediately makes my pants feel quite a bit tighter. Her hair is worn down and wavy, with a flower tucked behind one of her ears. She is an absolute angel. I move to pull her chair out for her, only to realize that Brady has already done it. Brady. I had been so focused on Lily that I forgot all about Brady; I did not even see him walk in with her. 2/2
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