Chapter 129
~ NYSSA
I regretted my choice to send Rowan away the minute the door slammed shut behind him.
I longed to call out to him, the words on the tip of my tongue, but the sentence would not form. Instead, I watched him disappear, the guilt and loneliness slamming into me fiercely.
It took a long moment before I was able to rise to my feet. I pulled the curtains open, sighing when the sun’s bright rays filled the room. When dark, the room reminded me too much of the basement and the little overhead light that illuminated the dark space.
I stared out the dinwoa t the soldiers movie around in the couryard, the maids that busied themselves around, whispering to themselves. A few of them pointed upwards towards my room. A bitter feeling blossomed in my chest, filling my mouth with the taste of ash.
I wasn’t sure how much of the situation they knew or how bad the rumors were and although a part of me was curious, the greater part of me just wanted to forget.
The sound of my door creaking open had me jumping, my heart pounding in my chest. I turned sharply, half expecting to see Rowan walk back in but to my surprise, it was Aria who made her way into the room, a tray of food in her hands and a bottle dangling from her wrist.
As if on cue, my stomach grumbled.
Aria smiled at the sound. “I thought you’d be hungry. I didn’t know what you would want so I brought a whole bunch of stuff p>
She placed the tray on my bed and my eyes widened in surprise.
There was pasta and pancakes as well as sliced fruits and steamed vegetables. A slice of chocolate cake sat on one end of the tray.
“If you want something else-“she began but I shook my head quickly.
“This is… it’s perfect, thank you. I won’t be able to eat it all though p>
She waved me off. “That’s fine. Once you’ve had enough, there’s some uice in the bottle. If you need anything else I can call for a maid to get it for you p>
I risked a glance at her, noting how she fiddled with her fingers in her lap and how shaky her smile was. Her movements were careful and slow, as if she were afraid of spooking me.
“Did Rowan send you?” I asked finally. “If he did, you can let him know that I’m fine. I don’t need to be monitored or babysat p>
Her eyes widened in shock, her lips pressing into a firm line. “You’re my friend, Nyssa, I don’t need my brother to ask me to come check up on you. I didn’t want you to have to come down to the dining room until you were ready and I thougt to do something nice p>
She sounded offended by my words as she crossed her arms over her chest.
Guilt and unease bubbled up in my chest and I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I looked away, my own embarrassment preventing me from looking her in the eye.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I just had to fucking ruin everything.
“There’s nothing to apologize for. I don’t blame you for asking, I just wanted you to know that I did this because I wanted to p>
I did not know what to say to that so I reached for the food and shoved a piece of fruit into my mouth.
Aria stood to her feet instantly, heading straight for the door and at first, it did not seem like such a big deal, not until she had stepped halfway out the room and I realized that I would be alone.
A while ago, I would have relished the silence and solace, but now, the idea of being alone sent shivers down my spine. I spent most of my time in that basement alone.
“Can you stay?” I asked softly and she stilled, her foot halfway out the door. “I don’t have anything to say, I just… I would like it if you were here p>
The silence stretched between us intensely, neither one of us speaking for what felt like hours. Finally, she turned, shut the door behind her and quietly made her way to the dressing table and lowered herself into the wooden chair.
“Thank you,” I whispered but she waved me off.
“If I’m being honest, I was hoping you’d ask em to stay p>
The corner of my lips curled into a small smile. “Why didn’t you say something p>
“I didn’t want to overstep. I wanted to give you space p>
Her words made sense, but it still made my stomach churn uncomfortably.
I shoved a spoonful of pasta into my mouth, chewing slowly as I tried to figure out my next words carefully.
“I don’t like being treated like I’m broken p>
Aria stilled. “I’m not p>
“You are,” I cut her off. “You all are, and I get it, I really do. I’m jumpy, I’m fidgety and I just got back here but I would like to pretend like everything is fine. I don’t need the reminder of what happened, I am that reminder p>
“Nyssa p>
I held up a hand to stop her. “Let me finish, please p>
I exhaled deeply, rubbing my sweaty palms against my shirt as I tried to calm my racing heart.
“I want to go back to how things were,” I continued. “I want you to talk to me as you did before, I want to pretend like the past few days didn’t happen p>
“But they did happen,” Aria said softly. “As much as you wish they didn’t, they did, and we can’t just ignore them, not when so much went into finding you p>
My brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean p>
Aria sighed. “Rowan tortured people, he killed people to get to you. That isn’t going to go away p>
My mouth fell open in shock, my heart pounding wildly in my chest. “He did p>
“Of course he did! You went missing, Nyssa, I for one thought you ran away because of everything that happened but he wouldn’t believe that. We can’t just pretend all of this didn’t happen because it did p>
I opened my mouth to speak but the words would not come out. It was as if I’d lost all control over my throat. Thankfully, I didn’t have to suffer long because a frantic knock on my door filled the silence.
“Did you call for anyone?” I asked aria but she shook her head.
“I thought you did p>