Chapter 23
The majority of this day has been a clusterfuck.
I had to put a cow down this morning. Something attacked her in the night, and she was a fucking mess, suffering in the pasture. I’m glad neither of the younger kids saw her.
That’s some shit you don’t get out of your head.
Sure, this is a ranch. We have farm animals, and I’ll be adding more, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve become completely desensitized when it comes to the suffering of animals.
It fucking sucks.
Then, I decided to cheer myself up with a ride into Missoula with my two favorite people. Aiden was thrilled.
But when I heard that British prick talk sexy to my girl, I would have dragged him through the phone to kick his ass if I could have. I don’t want anyone speaking to her like that but me.
Because she’s mine.
Just as things were getting better, Aiden’s bully came out of the goddamn woodwork and upset all of us, and when I tried to reassure Aiden that he and Wills can both move in with me, Willow iced up.
I don’t let my feelings get hurt. I learned that early on in life. But I’ll be damned if Willow didn’t accomplish it twice in one day.
I need a beer.
I pull up to the house, and Aiden hops out and opens the back of the vehicle so he can retrieve his goods.
“Thanks, guys,” he says, his smile back. “I’m going to go set this up p>
“Do you want dinner?” Willow asks him.
“I’ll eat with the guys at the bunkhouse,” he calls over his shoulder as he hurries off.
“You’d think it was Christmas,” Willow says with a chuckle as we walk up to the house. I unlock the door and then push it open and wait for her to walk in ahead of me. She rubs her hand over my chest as she walks by, and I want to pull her against me, but I don’t. “I was thinking of grilling some chicken with asparagus and salad. Thoughts p>
“That’s fine, but I want to talk p>
“I know.” She strides into the kitchen and starts pulling things out of the fridge. “Can we talk while I work? I really am starving p>
“Fine.” I lean on the island and watch as she seasons the chicken. There are a lot of words rolling through my head right now, so I just start with the obvious. “What the fuck, Trouble p>
She pauses, and her forehead furrows as she looks up at me. “What p>
“What in the actual fuck?” I shake my head and drag my hand down my face.
My girl sets the food back in the fridge—good, I want her full attention—and circles the island to step in front of me.
“I hurt your feelings p>
“You got weird on me,” I reply. “Are you implying that you don’t want to live here? Because if that’s the case, what in the hell are we doing p>
“Aiden and I moved here for the summer so he could p>
“I know why you moved here. I was here for it.” Christ, I’m frustrated. “But things have fucking changed between you and me, and you know it. I’m so in love with you, I can’t see straight. When I’m not with you, I get twitchy. You’re like a drug, and I constantly need another hit. So explain to me like I’m a fucking four-year-old how I’m supposed to be okay with you and the kid moving back to Missoula at the end of the summer p>
Her mouth opens, but no sound comes out, and then she closes it again. Every muscle in her body is tight. Her shoulders are practically wrapped around her ears.
I take a breath and step to her, cradle her face in my hands, and kiss her forehead.
“I need you to talk to me, Wills. Because I’m not letting you move out of this house. Not at the end of the summer, not ever. Unless we’re going somewhere together p>
Finally, she exhales and braces her hands on my sides.
“It’s not that I don’t want to stay with you. Not at all p>
Thank God.
“Of course I do. It’s just… you know how I am with surprises p>
She’s shit with surprises. “You never did like having plans fucked with p>
“I like structure. I need it, because after what my mom pulled, I just p>
“I know.” I tug her to me and hug her close. Shit, it’s like I fell in love with her and forgot who she is.
This is Willow.
“I should have talked to you privately before I told Aiden he didn’t have to go back to Missoula. It was the heat of the moment, and I wanted to reassure him p>
“Yeah. We should have discussed it first. I don’t like being handled p>
I pull back and frown down at her. “Do you seriously think that’s what I was doing p>
“Yeah. I do. Aiden was upset, and you handled it. My refrigerator died, and you’re gonna handle it. You simply take over p>
I’m staring down at her when my phone rings. I pull it out of my pocket and see that it’s Gideon and let it go to voicemail. I’ll call him back later.
I’m having my first fight with the love of my life.
“I’m not handling shit. I’m helping p>
“Without asking if I need help p>
My phone rings again, and this time I answer the call.
“Hey, this isn’t a great ti p>
“Put me on speaker. I’m only saying this once p>
My eyes fly to Willow’s as I put Gideon on speaker.
“We can both hear you, Gid p>
He clears his throat, and now I notice that he’s breathing kind of hard. “I need you both to know that I’m okay p>
Willow’s eyes immediately fill with tears, and she reaches for me. I pull her against me.
“What’s going on?” I ask him before I plant my lips on the top of Willow’s head.
“I was shot today, but I’m okay p>
“Oh, God,” Willow cries, covering her mouth with her hand. “Where? How? Gideon, if you die, I will kill you p>
“I’m fine,” he repeats, softer now. “Hey, Wills, don’t cry p>
Shit, even I’m tearing up.
“What happened?” I ask him.
“It’s classified p>
“Fuck that,” Willow interrupts. “We’re your family, and I demand to know what in the fucking hell is going on. Did that little brat cause this? Gideon p>
“Stop.” His voice is harder now. “I’m in the hospital, and I’ve had surgery p>
Christ.
“I’ll be in the air in less than an hour,” I tell him. “I’ll charter a plane, and I’ll be there late tonight p>
“No. For fuck’s sake, will you two stop panicking and listen to me? What part of ‘I’m okay’ did you not understand p>
“It was overshadowed by the whole ‘I was shot’ thing,” Willow informs him before she buries her face in my chest.
“If you think I’m not coming there, you don’t know me at all p>
“You won’t be able to get in here,” he says with a sigh. “It was two shots in the leg. They missed the important stuff. I can’t tell you where we were or who did the shooting. I’ve already had surgery on the leg, and now it’s just recovery time and physical therapy so I can get back to work p>
“You should come home to recover. I’ll come get you p>
Gideon sighs. “Listen, I’m about to pass out from some really good drugs that I tried to refuse but Nurse Ratched insisted on giving me. I’ll stay here to recover. I have the best doctors and physical therapists in the world here. I’ll be back to work in less than a month p>
“And you’ll check in with us every day?” Willow asks.
“Of course p>
“I love you,” Willow says into my phone. “I love you so much, Gid. Don’t ever do this to me again p>
“I love you, too, baby girl.” His voice is getting sloppy. “Don’t let Ry get on a plane. I’m gonna be okay p>
“I love you, too, you know,” I tell him. “Even when I want to strangle you p>
“Same.” He takes a deep breath. “Gonna sleep now. Night p>
He hangs up, and I throw my phone across the room into the couch and then pace away from Willow. My brother is in a goddamn hospital bed, and he doesn’t want me to come to him.
He could have died today.
He could die every day. That’s the truth of his job, and it’s something that I always have in the back of my mind, but Jesus, I hate what he does for a living.
“Ry p>
I hold up a hand and continue to pace.
“Why.” I swallow hard and then try again. “Why won’t the people I love let me help them p>
I stop and face her and watch as a tear falls down her perfect cheek.
“Even my birth mother.” I keep pacing, pushing my fingers through my hair. “I begged her to move away, to stop bringing the men home, to be happy with just the two of us p>
I’ll never forget her face, broken and bloody. She was still convinced that the man who did that shit loved her and she couldn’t live without him.
“But she didn’t listen, and she stayed until it killed her p>
Willow shakes her head. I don’t know if I’ve ever told her that story before.
“My dad. Ray. I asked him a hundred times if he needed me to come home to help him after Mom died, and he always said no, which we know now was a huge fucking lie. I could have hired people for him. I could have come here myself and taken care of him p>
I am so goddamn pissed.
“Gideon is lying in a hospital bed somewhere, and he won’t let me come help him. Do you know how absolutely hopeless it feels to know that someone you love is hurting and they won’t let you do anything to fucking help? And then there’s you p>
“Me?” She blinks rapidly as she brushes away her tears.
“Your fridge died, your kid feels safe here, you thrive here. Don’t think I haven’t noticed p>
I should probably stop yelling and take a deep breath, but goddamn it, I’m so fucking pissed off.
“I have an amazing house with everything we could need or want. I want you with me, always. I want Aiden. And you’re fighting me on it, as if you planned to just fuck around with me this summer and then—what? Get me out of your system? Once upon a time, I might have been down for that with someone, but not with you, and not now p>
“That’s not p>
I pace over to her. “Maybe my feelings aren’t reciprocated like I thought they were. Apparently, you don’t feel the same p>
I turn to pace away, but she catches my wrist in her hand, keeping me close.
“It’s my turn to talk,” she says. “You had your say, and now I’ll have mine. I know you’re upset, and I agree with you. Gid should let you go out there, even if it’s just for a few days p>
I pull out of her reach. I can’t let her touch me right now.
I feel too raw, too vulnerable.
“Please let me touch you p>
“Not yet p>
“You’re a fixer, Ryker. That’s who you are as a human. It’s who you’ve always been, and it’s one of the things that I love the most about you. If I got hurt on this ranch when I was a kid, you were the first one there to help me get cleaned up. When my bike had a flat tire, you fixed it. When I dropped my journal in the creek because I thought it would be magical to sit on a rock and write down all my feelings, you swam in to get it for me and then painstakingly used my blow-dryer to get every page dry, and you swore you didn’t read it p>
“I might have read a page or two,” I mutter.
“When Aiden was dropped off at my apartment, and I called you from the ER because he was so sick, you dropped everything and flew out to be with us.” She swallows hard. “You sent me money during the leanest months when I was getting my feet under me and had to hire an attorney to get legal custody of him, even though Sabrina had abandoned him to me, and the state of Montana was being a royal pain in my ass. You have always helped me p>
I shake my head.
“I’m not done.” She steps closer but doesn’t touch me, because I haven’t told her she can and she’s always respected boundaries. “I love you so much it hurts. I always have, from the moment that angry, hurt, skinny boy stepped out of that car in front of this house. You are my person. My best friend. And now you’re so much more than that, and I don’t ever want you to think that I would want to move Aiden and myself in here because you want to fix something for me. I only want you to love me p>
“I do, baby.” I reach for her now and take both of her hands in mine, threading our fingers together. “And I don’t want you here just because I think you need me to rescue you. You don’t. You’re fucking badass. You would replace the stupid fridge and get on with your life, but p>
“There is no getting on with my life unless you’re in it,” she says and loops her arms around my neck. “And as far as the rest? Well, your mom, your birth mom—you couldn’t have saved her, Ry. You were just a little boy p>
My chest is cracking open. That’s the only explanation for the pain just behind my sternum.
“I hated her for letting them do that to her,” I whisper. “And then I hated her for dying while I sat in that hospital room and watched p>
“God.” She pulls me down in a hug, and I bury my face in her neck. “I’m so sorry. That’s not okay p>
“No, it’s not okay.” I breathe her in and feel myself start to settle.
“You also couldn’t save Ray. He didn’t want to be saved. He just wanted Debbie p>
I nod, feeling the tears come. “I know. I get it. Because if anything ever happened to you p>
“Shh.” She pulls back so she can see my face. “Look me in the face. I’m right here. And I’m not going anywhere for a long, long time. I have too much to do. Of course Aiden and I will move in here. He can go to school in Paradise Valley p>
“He’s going to be really happy to hear that p>
“Only him p>
My lips twitch, and I feel better after my… tantrum? Outburst? Fucking panic attack? I don’t know what that was. But I feel better.
“I’m happy too. Debbie and Ray would love it, you know. You and me here with Aiden p>
“Carrying on their tradition,” she says with a nod. “Yeah, they’d be happy about it p>
“So you’re going to let me handle things p>
She lifts an eyebrow. “No. I’m going to love you, and we’re going to work together to keep things running smoothly p>
“I’m going to handle you,” I reply, my voice getting deeper as I slide my hands down her back to her perfect ass.
“Oh, will you p>
“Yes. After you make dinner, because I’m fucking starving p>
“You can help me, and it’ll go faster p>
“Deal p>
The mood has lightened considerably as I help make the salad and get the grill going. Dinner is delicious, and I’ve just finished loading the dishwasher when my phone rings, and I see that it’s Dusty.
“Hey, what’s up p>
“I found the cow murderer,” he says with a heavy sigh.
“What is it p>
“Coyotes. If you step outside, you can hear them p>
I open the back door and step out on the porch, listening.
Sure enough, they start to call.
“They’re fucking hunting again tonight p>
“We’re going to have to kill them, Ry. Or they’ll make their way through our whole herd p>
“I know. It fucking sucks. We need to get a donkey p>
“I’ve already put out the word that we’re in the market for one,” Dusty replies. “In the meantime, those coyotes won’t stop on their own p>
“I’ll be ready to go out to the pasture in about twenty minutes. I’ll meet you out there p>
I hang up and go back inside and find Wills in the kitchen. She already took a shower and changed into her sleep shorts and my jersey, which never fails to wake my dick up.
“Hey,” she says with a grin. “Wanna watch a movie and make out until we ignore said movie and fuck on the couch p>
God, she’s perfect for me.
“Hell yes, I want to do that, but I have to go out to check on the herd. Coyotes are killing our cows p>
“Oh no.” She scowls. “We need a donkey p>
I let out a loud laugh and pull her in for a kiss.
“Why was that funny p>
“I just said the same thing to Dusty p>
“Great minds think alike p>