Chapter 85
Chapter 85
I’m small again.
2
命運
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Too small for the weight in my chest, too small for the way my fingers ache as they clutch my father’s hand like it’s the last solid thing left in the world. I’m back to the same age I’m being haunted memories I don’t
know with.
His palm is rough, scarred, warm and so familiar. It’s my dad. It smells like metal and oil and the sharp bite of leather–armor strapped too tight, weapons freshly cleaned. The air is thick with it. Preparation. Departure. The kind of smell that never means anything good.
This is the last time I’m ever gonna see him.
“Don’t go,” I say, and my voice cracks halfway through like it’s already tired of begging.
He doesn’t stop walking.
My feet slide on the stone floor as I dig my heels in, dragging my full weight backward. I’m not strong. I’m just stubborn. I hang off him like a feral little parasite, fingers locked around his wrist, nails biting into skin through fabric.
“Papa,” I say again, louder now. Ugly. Desperate. “Don’t p>
He exhales. Slow. Heavy. The sound of a man who already knows he’s going to break someone’s heart and has accepted it as collateral damage.
He turns and drops into a crouch in front of me, hands gripping my shoulders. Big hands. Steady. The world narrows to his face, his eyes level with mine. There’s dirt smudged along his jaw, a faint cut on his cheek that hasn’t healed yet. He smiles anyway, like he thinks that’ll soften the blow.
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“I have to,” he says.
“No,” I shake my head hard, hair sticking to my wet cheeks. “You don’t. You always say that. You don’t p>
His thumbs press into my shoulders, grounding, anchoring. “The war won’t wait,” he says gently, like that makes it acceptable. Like wars ever give a shit about little girls who want their fathers to stay home. “I’ll come back. I promise. I always do p>
I grab his sleeve instead, fingers curling into the fabric like if I hold on tight enough, I can rewrite fate through sheer fucking will. “You said that last time p>
Something flickers in his eyes. Pain. Guilt. Fear. He hides it fast, like he always does. Like he taught me to.
“I know,” he says. “But I need you to be brave for me, okay? My little moon p>
“I don’t want to be brave,” I scream, voice breaking wide open now. “I want you here p>
He stands.
Chapter 85
Just like that.
My grip slips. Fabric slides through my fingers. I stumble forward, air tearing out of my lungs as the opere between us widens. Panic detonates in my chest, hot and blinding
“Don’t!” I scream as he turns away. “Please–don’t go p>
He doesn’t look back.
The doors open. Light floods in. Metal clanks. Boots move. The sound of departure swallows him whole, and I’m left standing there with my hands empty and my chest caving in on itself.
I scream again-
-and jolt upright with a sharp gasp, breath hitching so hard it hurts.
The seatbelt digs into my shoulder. The leather seat creaks beneath me. My heart slams against my ribs like it’s trying to escape. For a second, I don’t know where I am. My hands are clenched into fists, nails biring inno my palms. My throat burns.
Then the low hum of engines fills my ears.
The jet.
I blink fast, dragging in shaky breaths through my nose. The cabin is dim, lights low and warm, everything muted and enclosed. No stone floors. No armor. No father disappearing into a war he won’t come back from
Right. Alaric and I are going for a vacation.
My face is wet.
Fuck.
I swipe at my cheeks quickly, like the darkness might be watching. Like the plane might judge me. My chest still feels tight, compressed, like someone wrapped a band around my lungs and pulled.
Get it together.
I shift in my seat, adjusting the blanket that’s somehow tangled around my legs. Hawaii. We’re going to fucking Hawaii because apparently when I start unraveling, the solution is throwing me into paradise and hoping the sunshine fixes generational trauma.
I blow out a quiet laugh. Yeah. That’ll work.
A soft click sounds across the aisle.
I look up just as Alaric unbuckles his seatbelt and stands. He doesn’t rush or make a scene. He crosses the narrow aisle in three long strides and kneels in front of my seat like it’s the most natural thing in the world for an Alpha King to do thirty thousand feet in the air.
His
eyes
flick over my face, sharp and assessing. Red in the low light. The kind of gaze that misses nothing
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Chapter 85
and files everything away for later.
“Hey,” he says quietly. “Breathe p>
I hate that my body listens immediately.
In. Out. Slower this time.
He rests one hand on my knee, warm and solid, thumb pressing in just enough to remind me he’s real Here. Not a memory. Not a ghost.
“I’m here,” he says again, softer.
I swallow, throat tight. “I noticed p>
One corner of his mouth twitches. He doesn’t smile. Not fully. His eyes stay on mine, unblinking, “What happened p>
I open my mouth.
Nothing comes out.
Because what the hell am I supposed to say? Hey, yeah, just relived my daddy issues in surround sound and now my brain feels like it’s peeling itself apart at the seams?
I huff a laugh instead. Nightmare p>
He doesn’t buy it. I can tell by the way his gaze sharpens, the way his fingers flex slightly against my leg
“You’ve been having a lot of those,” he says.
“I’m stressed,” I shoot back. “Shocking, I know p>
His thumb stills. “Sorin p>
I turn my head toward the window, pressing my forehead lightly against the cool glass. The darkness outside stretches endless and deep, broken only by the faint reflection of the cabin lights. My reflection stares back at me–pale, tired, eyes too old for twenty–two.
“Drop it,” I say quietly.
There’s a pause. Long enough that I feel it in my bones.
Then he nods once. “For now p>
I exhale, not realizing I was holding my breath. He rises smoothly, but before he steps away, he leans in, his mouth close to my ear.
“You don’t have to carry this alone,” he murmurs. “Whenever you’re ready p>
My jaw tightens.
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Chapter 85
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He returns to his seat without another word, like he didn’t just crack something open inside me and walk away.
I stare out the window again, but the darkness doesn’t hold for long.
The pilot’s voice cuts through the cabin, calm and professional. “We’re beginning our descent. You’ll see the islands shortly p>
I lift my head as the black outside gives way to deep blue, then lighter, brighter, until the ocean stretches endlessly beneath us. Sunlight glints off the water, sharp and blinding. The islands rise into view like something unreal–green and lush and alive.
My breath catches.
It’s beautiful. Stupidly so.
For a second, I forget everything else. The nightmares. The flashes. The boy with the blurred face. The shouting I can never quite hear clearly.
Then my chest tightens again.
Because beauty doesn’t erase ghosts. It just gives them nicer scenery to haunt you in.
The jet touches down smoothly. Applause doesn’t break out because apparently everyone on this plane has enough money to treat luxury like a Tuesday.
Heat shouldn’t feel this heavy.
It hits the second the plane doors open, like the air itself has hands and it’s grabbing me by the lungs. Warm. Wet. Salt already on my tongue. I blink hard and step forward anyway, sunglasses shoved onto my face as though they’ll shield me from more than the sun.
They won’t.
The tarmac shimmers. Palms sway beyond the fence. Everything looks fake in that expensive, curated way- too bright, too clean, like a screensaver. I feel underdressed and overexposed all at once.
Alaric’s hand settles at the small of my back. Not possessive. Just there. Solid. A reminder that I’m not floating off into my own head again.
“Breathe,” he murmurs, low enough that only I hear it.
“I am,” I lie.
The hotel arrival is a whole damn production. Staff lined up, smiles sharp enough to cut glass. Cold towels. Drinks thrust into our hands before I can even say no. Some guy says welcome like it’s a blessing.
Then she appears.
She’s tall. Tan. Barely wearing anything that qualifies as clothing. Her eyes flick to Alaric and stay there. Too long. She steps closer than necessary, her arm brushing his as she hands him a drink I didn’t ask for and he
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Chapter 85
didn’t want.
Her chest presses into his arm.
Oh.
No.
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Something ugly sparks in my chest. It’s not usually this strong, but ever since getting the matebond, it’s been stronger than ever.
Fast. Hot. Petty as hell. I feel Eris stretch inside me, lazy and pleased, like she’s been waiting for an excuse.
The woman tilts her head, smiling up at him. “If you need anything at all, sir, just ask p>
I step forward before my brain catches up.
“Wow,” I say brightly. Too brightly. “That’s impressive p>
Both of them look at me.
I smile wider. “Your tits. I mean. Do they come with the uniform, or is that a personal choice p>
Silence detonates.
Her face goes red. Then blotchy. “Excuse me p>
“I’m just curious,” I add, sweet as poison. “Because leaning your boobs into my partner while batting your lashes feels… intentional. And honestly? Desperate p>
Alaric makes a sound behind me that might be a laugh. He wisely shuts it down fast.
The woman straightens, mortified fury flashing in her eyes. “I was just doing my job p>
“Cool,” I say. “Do it without dry–humping my man next time p>
She storms off, heels snapping like gunfire. Bitch.
The staff freezes. Someone coughs. I suddenly realize exactly how loud I was.
I wince. “Shit p>
Alaric looks down at me, eyes dancing. His mouth twitches. “You done p>
“Don’t,” I warn.
“I didn’t say anything p>
“You’re thinking it p>
“I always think things p>
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Chapter 85
I glare. He raises his hands in surrender, still smiling like he just watched his favorite show.
We’re escorted to the villa in blessed silence.
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The second the doors open, I drop my bag where it lands and walk straight toward the wall of glass. Toward the ocean. Toward that endless, loud blue.
It stretches forever. Waves crashing, wind tugging at my hair, salt clinging to my skin. For half a second–just one–I feel lighter.
Then I spin on my heel. “We’re swimming p>
Alaric blinks. “Sorin p>
I yank my top off mid–stride, already walking. “Nope. Don’t care. If you mention sunscreen, I will drown you. Were werewolves! ”
He stares for a beat. Then laughs, deep and helpless. “You’re insane p>
“Correct p>
I sprint for the sand and I don’t even make it far.
His arms hook around my waist, lifting me clean off the ground. I shriek, laughing, kicking uselessly as sand sprays everywhere.
“Put me down, you asshole p>
“No,” he says easily, holding me like I weigh nothing. “You’re feral p>
“You love it p>
“I do,” he agrees–and then-
The world snaps.
Same grip. Same height. A flash of memory again.
Different sound.
I’m smaller again and I’m screaming.
Not laughing–sobbing, throat raw, nails clawing at arms I can’t see clearly. My feet kick, desperate. My chest
burns.
“Let me go!” I scream at him–whoever he is. “You’re a monster! This is your fault! I hate you p>
The words tear out of me like they’ve been waiting years to be said.
Then-
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Chapter 85
I’m back.
Sand under my feet, Wind in my hair. The ocean roaring like it didn’t just watch me fall agent.
Alaric sets me down slowly. His smile fades when he sees my face,
I can’t breathe. My heart is slamming so hard it hurts. My hands shake. The laughter is go, weeds off and
of the air.
“What,” I whisper, staring at the sand, “What the hell was that p>
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