Chapter 173
Chapter 174
Amber’s POV
For the next few days, Julian held me whenever I asked him to, without any questions or need for explanation. He was simply there, ready to be my rock or my anchor, keeping me steady against the storm raging through my mind and heart.
Despite knowing I was safe, I couldn’t convince my body I was. It was still producing adrenaline, fueling my fight or flight instinct until exhaustion eventually won out. I tried to be present for Alice, and for the people of the town that wanted to celebrate the cure.
They even threw a great parade in my honor, with Alice and me on the final float. Alice threw candy to the once–again healthy children.
After, the mayor pulled me aside and promised changes to be made regarding factory regulations and
waste management.
All of these were good things, and yet, I didn’t feel present in these moments. I felt like I was watching them happen to someone else while the real me was trapped in some kind of nightmare.
Ever beside me, Julian watched me. He smiled when appropriate, gave praise and thanks when needed,
but when his eyes were on me, they were filled with concern.
No one else but he and Alice knew me well enough to understand that I was not myself, and Alice was too young to understand why. That meant that only Julian knew the terrors I was fighting in my own mind, the memories of the plane crash mixing up with the horror of the freefall, tangling up in a living
nightmare.
It was over now. I was safe.
I knew that and yet I didn’t.
I had no idea how to move on and let go of the fear.
At night, after putting Alice to bed, Julian would hold me. His arms seemed to be the only thing that reminded me of safety. With his closeness, I could breathe and relax.
Despite our kiss that night of the crash, he never pushed me in these moments. He let me fully take the lead, holding him as I needed him.
I was grateful for this. That kiss had been wonderful, had grounded me at that time and reminded me that we were both alive. But in the wake of it, of the kiss and the accident, I was remembering things that
might have been better left in the past.
None of this would have ever happened if Julian had been faithful to me, physically and emotionally. Because he wanted to keep our marriage secret, because he had pushed me aside for Olivia, I had gotten
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Chapter 174
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on that plane that crashed. And from there, everything, like a chain reaction, had led to this second accident.
It was difficult not to feel resentment, even as I took comfort in the cradle of his arms.
This comfort had to be temporary. When I was strong enough, I would have to push Julian away, for good this time.
Yes, he could remain part of Alice’s life, now and forever, but I’d never allow him back into my heart.
But maybe it was already too late.
Maybe we really were just trapped in a never–ending cycle of hurt.
I had no idea how to get us of it. We seemed destined to care for each other to our folly. How many hurts did we have to face before we finally accepted the truth – we simply weren’t meant to be?
Even knowing that, or perhaps because of knowing that, I clung to him extra tightly that night.
Julian returned my embrace with equal feeling, even kissing the top of my head.
Closing my eyes, I could have cried. Instead, I listened to his steady heartbeat until I fell asleep.
Julian’s POV
I found no sleep that night, despite holding the woman I loved in my arms. Though I knew I physically helped her body relax, I could see the lingering pain in her eyes. I could only wonder if my closeness was doing more harm than good.